An Extraordinary Plan

It's been close to a year since my husband preached a message on husbands/fathers leading in their homes. Following his message, a friend of mine approached me and said she'd appreciated the truths shared, but now she wanted to hear from me about what it is to follow.

This is one of my heartbeats, so on one hand I was thrilled as I began to contemplate a future post on this subject. However, I was also keenly aware of my own shortcomings and failures when it comes to following and submitting to my husband's leadership as I desire. But as I fought and prayed through my inner struggles, I was reminded that my blog does not exist because I have conquered all my sin issues and arrived. It's for us---you and me---who desire to become more Christ-like. Sometimes we mess up. Sometimes we fall. But along the way, we receive God's forgiveness, mercy, and grace. We make some breakthroughs and experience---yes---victory through Christ.

As a young bride (and throughout the earlier years of our marriage), I was pretty verbal when it came to making my voice and my will known. Now, a wife respectfully expressing her heart, views, and beliefs is certainly vital to a healthy marriage. But there was nothing healthy about the way I went about expressing mine. I'd share my thoughts with my husband, and if he didn't agree with me, I'd raise my voice to get my point across. That oughtta do it! And if the intensity and volume of my voice didn't do the trick, I'd throw a temper trantrum. I'd play the drama queen. I'd make snide remarks. Crazy thing is, I remember when I'd used the same tactics with my parents when I was a teenager. On more than one occasion, my mom put me on the spot and said, "Are you going to talk to your husband this way one day?" "Of course not!" I retaliated. *Gulp* Old habits die hard.

So obviously I came into our marriage with a disrespectful tongue that I allowed to run loose far too often. But at the root of my unwillingness to trust and follow my husband's lead in our early marriage was one simple word: FEAR. I was afraid of what he might do; afraid of where he might lead. I was afraid that he might misinterpret a passing whim as the voice of God, and our lives would be irrevocably changed.

Oh, I had such a messed-up view of Scripture; such a small view of my God. All my life I'd heard about His beautiful design for marriage. I'd heard of His intent for marriage to be a reflection of Christ and the church. Husbands and wives are equal in value and worth---they simply have different roles. And truly, I was excited about that! But now that I was married---when it was time to put it into action, to live it---I was afraid. I felt out of control and maybe even somewhat cheated. This stuff is hard.

I've often wondered how Sarah felt when Abraham came to her and told her that God had told him that He wanted to move them to a far-off, unknown land. To a place away from family. To a place apart from everything and everyone they'd ever known (Genesis 12). I wish I could go back and hear the exchanges and conversations they had in the days that ensued. I bet there were a lot of tears. Lots of doubts and questions and uncertainties. And finally, resolution. It was clear that God had spoken. And Sarah knew that her husband wasn't randomly setting out to lead her to some crazy far-off place. He was simply following God. And that knowledge gave her peace.

Eventually, I woke up and recognized that my husband is following on the heels of Jesus. As he longs to know and follow His heart, I can trust my husband's heart for me. He's committed to loving me as Christ loves the church. As he loves me with that kind of sacrificial love and gives his life up for me, I don't have to fear. He's not a power-monger simply throwing around his weight, insisting on his own way, and neglecting my thoughts and feelings. He wants to love and lead me purely in a way that brings honor and glory to Jesus. And with that knowledge comes trust, security, joy, and peace.

And just so there's no misunderstanding---that's not to say that I never struggle with following my husband's lead anymore. I'm a sinner married to a sinner. But the leaning and desire of my heart is to gladly and purposefully embrace God's plan and beautiful design for marriage.

I'm mindful as I write this post that some of you are calling out, "But you don't know my story! You don't know the hurt...the disappointment...the broken dreams." Whatever your situation, reading friend, whether married to a man who is following headlong after Jesus or not, 1 Peter 3:5 reminds us that the holy women of old hoped in God. And that's where we must place our hope, as well. He loves us with an everlasting love. He will soothe the hurt, carry our burdens, and faithfully keep every promise.

"Likewise, wives, be subject to your own husbands, so that even if some do not obey the word, they may be won without a word by the conduct of their wives---when they see your respectful and pure conduct. Do not let your adorning be external---the braiding of hair, the wearing of gold, or the putting on of clothing---but let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God's sight is very precious. For this is how the holy women who hoped in God used to adorn themselves, by submitting to their husbands, as Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him lord. And you are her children, if you do good and do not fear anything that is frightening." 1 Peter 3:1-6