Control Freaks Anonymous

Okay. So I'm not so anonymous. But maybe I can be the voice for untold numbers of us who feel the same way.

I. am. a. control. freak.

I've written about it before. I've eluded to it. And each time, I've thought that I was making baby steps toward letting go and trusting. But more and more, God is showing me how very far I have to go.

There's nothing like feeling out of control to raise up my ugly control freak tendencies. And there's nothing like parenting teens to make me feel out of control. It's a vicious cycle.

But while I feel like a broken record in my desire to relinquish control and trust that my God can and will do what I cannot, perhaps that's what I need. To rehearse to myself---over and over again---my utter need for and dependence on my Father God.

Somehow I seem to think that in my anxiousness, my fret, my nagging, and my frustration, I'm doing something. And in a sick kind of way, that feels good. After all, it's then that I'm seemingly in control.

It comes down to the fact that despite what I believe about God, I don't always believe I can trust Him. So in comes "Super-Nikki," wielding her control freak powers. Problem is, her timing is all off, she spins out of control, and she accomplishes nothing.

So bear with me here as I work it through once again:

My God is God and I am not.
He alone has the ability to change hearts.
He alone can supply my heart's needs and longings.
He alone can work all things...ALL things...for my good and His glory.

And this same God loves me with an everlasting love. He simply wants me to rest; to cease striving and know He is who He says He is; to trust Him with all I hold dear; to pour out my prayer requests before Him, knowing that He hears, He acts, and He alone gives peace.