[Dis]Comfort & Hope

I was recently chatting with a friend...a "younger" mom with small children. As I asked how her kids were doing, she honestly confessed her frustration with them and with this particular season, declaring, "I just expect them to be perfect. I mean, they're both Christians, so why shouldn't they act like it?"

I walked away from that conversation, incredulously shaking my head. Did she realize how ridiculous that sounded? How could she expect her children to be perfect? And no sooner had those thoughts raced through my mind that God clearly said to my heart, "Nikki, you expect the very same." Oh, I might not have the courage to admit it as my friend did, but it's true.

We've already established my control-freak tendencies and my difficulty with trusting God in this season of parenting teens. It's an exhausting exercise in trying to run interference and catch them when they fall. It's maddening (and truly humbling) to recognize the nagger I've become, all in an effort to prevent anything bad from happening. I don't want them to fail. I don't want them to fall. I want them to be...perfect. Or maybe it's not so much perfection I desire, but a pain-free, stress-free, mess-free life; a life that makes me comfortable. Selfish? Yes. But how much of the stress and pressure I take upon myself, especially in regard to my sons, is in an effort to protect my comfort? my image? my pride?

My husband recently wrote about the struggle to avoid pain and discomfort. Apparently I'm not alone in my quest (or perhaps I was his inspiration). My heart was emboldened as I read the truth he shared based on Biblical truth:

"...But there exists no example of growth without pain and sacrifice. A caterpillar leaves behind its old self to become a butterfly. A tree lies dormant and naked in its toil to grow taller and stronger. We knowingly tear muscles down in order that they be healed, coming back stronger. We even call that process becoming "ripped" because of all the purposeful pain we inflict upon ourselves to get there.

I will never grow in comfortable times. The more comfort and ease I have, the more I desire more comfort and ease, and that comfort yields a flabby and self-focused monster--always wanting more ease and less stress on me.

I take immense comfort from knowing that (Romans 8:28) that the afflictions I endure--all the afflictions I endure in Christ--are for my good. I struggle through the loss of loved ones, relational stress and disappointment, not getting my way, being overlooked, and generally enduring hardness in this world. All of those things create in me a need for my Savior moment-by-moment, a desire for more of him and less of me and a true longing for heaven that doesn't flow from bitterness or fear, but out of hunger and hope.

I am learning to expect troubles and struggles and to allow those things to direct my attention to the only one who can help me. He allows winters to knock the leaves off off of my tree and prepare me for the next season of active growth. This growth requires death and even a harsh winter. But it results in a glorious spring and a stronger tree..." (from Man Transformed)

Every struggle you and I face---parenting included---is lovingly designed by God to create in us a hunger and a desire for Him. So while we want our children to walk in truth and passionately follow after Him, we can be confident that every stage of their lives is in His hands. And He is faithfully at work to use it---all of it---to make them (and us) a glorious reflection of Him.