Watching God Move

Do you ever assume to know the mind of God?

I do.

Last year God led us to send our oldest son to a large public high school. While it was a difficult year in many ways, it was the best thing in the world for him. He grew, he was challenged, and he flourished. He gained a heart for the world around him and embraced his faith as his own. Yes, there were many difficult things about it, but we all agreed it was a welcome year of sometimes painful growth and maturity. And we were resolved that there he would stay.

Because God had led and directed us to that school a year ago, we assumed that was the way He was leading this year. So when various things came up that suggested we might consider a different school this year, I closed the door and refused to listen. All correspondence that came to our house was read and promptly thrown in the trash. Emails were read and deleted. After all, God had spoken. Our minds were made up. And we knew where our son was supposed to go. Besides, the suggested new option was completely out of the realm of possibility. It was unrealistic. In our flesh, we couldn't make it happen. Therefore, end of discussion---at least in my mind.

Still, the prompting continued and even increased. Finally, my husband and I simultaneously stopped and looked at each other, suggesting, "Maybe we should at least pray about this." Well, duh! Even then, though, we agreed that a change in schools would require a complete and utter miracle. We didn't have what it took, so if God was leading us down a different path, He would miraculously need to come through in a big, big way.

My husband brought our son into the conversation, and admittedly, I was unhappy about that decision. The last thing I wanted was to jerk our son's emotions around and give him the impression this other school was a possibility when we knew all-too-well it would take a miracle for our son to attend there. But my husband---who has great foresight and insight---wisely reminded me, "He's not a little boy anymore. He's a young man. I want him to be part of this decision-making process. I want him to join us in prayer. And if God somehow moves here, I want him to watch it happen. I want him to see God move."

We brought our hearts and our desires before the Lord in those coming days. We laid it all out before Him, asking Him to lead us...to guide us...to make us pliable. We asked Him to show us what to do. And we reminded Him we didn't have the means for sending our son to this school.

And then God moved...in a big, big way. I'll never forget the phone call my husband made to me on one particular afternoon.

"You better sit down. God provided that miracle!"

Together we sobbed on the phone that day, so overwhelmed by our own doubt and lack of faith; so overwhelmed by His goodness and grace. Oh, we thought we knew His heart. We pridefully thought we didn't need to pray. But, oh, what we would have missed out on had we not sought Him once again.

How many times have I simply plodded through, thinking I've got this one covered? I can handle this one on my own? How many times has worry been my preferred coping mechanism, rather than bringing each concern, each decision before my all-wise, all-loving heavenly Father? How many times have I put Him in a box, somehow believing the subject at hand is too small or too insignificant or even too familiar to bring before Him?

I learned a crucial lesson this summer. I learned that when I'm prideful---when I assume to know God's will and think I've got everything figured out on my own---I miss out on sweet communion with Him. When I fail to consult Him---when I trust my own abilities and understanding---I miss out on Him gently and lovingly humbling me and getting my desires in line with His. When I fail to bring my heart before my God, I miss out on untold blessings and yes, miracles.

God humbled me this summer. He woke me up. Watching Him do the seemingly impossible ignited in me a passion, a burning fire to pray. And as never before, I want to model that for our sons. I want them to see in me a mom whose first response is to seek the Lord in all things; to bring Him my heart in the bigger than life decisions, as well as for the seemingly ordinary day to day choices. I want to see Him work. I want to see Him answer. I want to see Him align my heart to His so that my life shines a light on Him.

"O Lord, all my longing is before You;
my sighing is not hidden from You."
Psalm 38:9

[I discovered an astonishing truth: God is attracted to weaknesses. He can't resist those who humbly and honestly admit how desperately they need Him.] ~ Jim Cymbala