From a glad and thankful heart...

I'm the mom of 3 sons. Three handsome, intelligent, amazing sons.

When my husband and I were married and began to talk and pray about having children, God blessed us with each one in a very timely manner. There was very little waiting. It was kind of like, "Ok, we would like to have children now." And in a very short time, we'd find we were expecting. That's how it worked...3 times over.

It wasn't till we were ready for our 4th child---9 years ago---that we began playing the waiting game. What had happened so naturally and immediately in the past was now a stretch of our faith. As months stretched into years, our hearts ached. We cried. We prayed. We pleaded. We sought medical intervention. Even when the prognosis seemed positive, I still was unable to conceive. And somehow as those years waned on, my faith grew as perhaps no other time in my life. Because in the midst of the disappointment and the pain, God met me. He ministered to my heart and carried me. He sustained me and drew me so close to His heart. Oh, I'd received Christ as my Savior when I was a little girl, but at perhaps no other time up to that point had I experienced the unfathomable grace and mercy of God in such a real and personal way. I knew He was real. No, He didn't give us the child we had prayed for, but He comforted us in our valley. He gave us a true hunger and longing for Him, not just for what He can give us. He showed us that He is enough.

Through our dealings with secondary infertility, we learned I have endometriosis. It was initially a diagnosis shown in no other way than through my infertility. As the years wore on, though, other symptoms arrived, including almost always present pain. After all these years of getting by and simply "coping," we have prayerfully come to the conclusion that it's time to take care of this endometriosis once and for all. In one week, I'll be having the hysterectomy that, Lord-willing, will tremendously increase my quality of life. It brings tears to my eyes to dream about the potential relief I may experience in a very short time. Our hearts are content and at peace.

For our 10th wedding anniversary (nearly 9 years ago), my husband bought me a diamond anniversary band. This, of course, was only a few months after we began "trying" to have another baby; before we were aware that things weren't necessarily going to go as we had planned. Sitting at the lakefront on that cold December evening, my husband presented me with a gorgeous 5-diamond ring. I adored it then, yet somehow it grew in significance over the years.

Five. Five diamonds. Five members of my family.

My anniversary band represents so much more than my husband's faithful love and devotion. To me, even from the earliest days, my ring has represented each member of my family. And through our journey of infertility, it's been an ongoing reminder to me of the ways God has blessed my life, many times over.

He gave me a Jon.
and a Drew.
and a Ryan.
and a Luke.

And I feel like the most exceedingly blessed woman on the face of the earth.
Not necessarily because God gave me what I wanted.
But because He gave me what I need.

He has shown Himself so faithful. The assumed "ending" of our story is very different from what I'd envisioned at the beginning. But I can honestly say I'm glad. Had it not been for these years of waiting and longing and praying, we may not have come to know that it's HIM that our hearts are truly waiting and longing for. It's HIM who completes us and gives us true satisfaction. It's only Him.

And I'm thankful for the journey.
Thankful for the trial.
Thankful for Him.