My Isaac

I had a bit of a meltdown on one recent evening.
Funny, I didn't even see it coming.

With an empty house, I decided to pay a visit to the website of our firstborn's college of choice.
I was gathering information so that we can pay them a visit later this week.

As I scanned through the information and facts,
accompanied by dates and registration deadlines,
the reality of our current season hit me smack dab in the face.

The tears threatened and I fought them.
And then I gave up and welcomed them.

The truth is, everybody always tells me we've got time;
that I shouldn't project myself so far into the future that I miss the here and now.
In fact, that's what I often tell myself.
But the reality is,
we're here.
I'm beginning to process that my little boy-grown man's wings are strengthening.
Before long...well...you know. 

I so desperately want to walk through this season with grace.
That's my heart's cry. 
But honestly? 
I'm afraid.  Afraid of doing it all wrong.
I don't want to frantically grasp on to yesterday.
I don't want to stubbornly cling to today and the incredible man God has been raising up to go out and change his world.
I don't want to doubt and worry and fret about whether we've prepared him sufficiently.

I'm clinging to Philippians 4:6-7.  Oh, am I clinging:  "Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God.  And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus."

I want to reveal my heart to our son as we soon enter this final leg,
but I want him to rest securely,
knowing that his mom's hope is firmly planted in Jesus.
I long to walk brave,
entrusting him to a Father who loves him even more than I do.
I want to release him in faith and confidence and joy.
I want to lay down "my Isaac,' my beloved son, and welcome the working and leading of the Holy Spirit---in both of us.

So I find myself at the dawn of the second semester of our oldest son's junior year of high school,
A little neurotic.
A lot needy.
And a whole lot dependent on the God who has safely carried us through all of our yesterdays. 
I'm so glad to know He's gonna carry us through the ongoing changes of the coming months, too.

And hey---if you think of us, will you pray for courage and grace and strength along the journey?
Thank you, reading friends.

"For this child I prayed,

and the Lord has granted me my petition that I made to Him. 

Therefore I have lent him to the Lord. 

As long as he lives, he is lent to the Lord." 

1 Samuel 1:27-28