Grace Upon Grace

I'm selfish.
And prideful.
I'm easily wrapped up in my own agenda,
my own schedule.
my own life.
All too often, envy creeps into my heart.
I want what others have.
Their blessings.
Their gifts.
Their circumstances.
I fail to recognize God's hand of grace and blessing in my own life.
Bitterness takes root.

I'm idle.
And lazy.
I waste time rather than invest it.
I all too easily push off my quiet time with Jesus or drop it all together when there are more "pressing" matters.
I neglect to pray.
Instead I worry.
And fret.
And fear.
I attempt to seize control of my own life.
I think I know what's best.
I tell God what I want;
how it ought to go.
I fail to trust Him.

I'm impatient with my guys.
And prone to irritation.
If I'm unhappy, they likely know it.
I might pout or say nothing or
--- no bones about it---
verbalize it loud and clear.
I'm manipulative---
and did I mention selfish and controlling?

These sins.
How I hate them.
I'm a sorry mess.
A broken vessel.
A dirty rotten sinner,
so in need of grace.

Grace.
God's grace.
So available.
So ready.
So sufficient.
It calls me to repentance.
To holiness.
To purity.
It gives me joy and hope and meaning.

Through Jesus, I am
"guilty but pardoned,
lost but saved,
wandering but found,
sinning but cleansed." (The Valley of Vision ~ The Broken Heart)

Amazing grace, how sweet the sound.
It saved a wretch---like me.