Middle-Aged Ponderings

The realization kind of stung.
A couple of weeks ago,
I decided that no matter which way you slice it,
I'm (gulp) middle-aged.
Along with this realization, I've had the following ponderings and observations:

• Why does every prescription commercial suddenly seem geared to women over 40?
• Why, almost without fail, do I forget an ingredient every time I bake something?
• Why is some of life's greatest entertainment spying my husband with his makeshift bifocals (aka wearing two pair of glasses at the same time)?
• Why am I wearing dark sunglasses in certain aisles in the health/beauty section?
• Why is my lifelong board-flat hair suddenly beginning to curl?
• Why do I gladly welcome and embrace that increasing mark of distinction upon my husband's head, but disdain it upon my own?

Traveling "gag" gift from a friend. I take comfort knowing it's joyfully graced the home of so many amazing women who go before me.  

30 didn't bother me so much.

This next birthday, well...

I find the need to rein in my wandering thoughts regularly;

to remind myself of truth.

Because the truth is,
though I'm prone to tell myself otherwise,
that some of the richest, most fulfilling days are right here and now.
I'm not the woman I was throughout the early years of our marriage and motherhood.
By God's grace,
I'm not only older,
but hopefully, a little more mature,
a little bit wiser.
I know who I am.
My vision has crystallized.
Our home and our family is my primary ministry.
I don't have to worry about being "out there" doing a thousand things.
I can focus on that to which God has called me---
to run after it and pursue it with all my heart.
Rather than making my life the mirror reflection of someone else,
I can embrace the gifts God has given me.
What joy, security, and rest come from that.

The truth is,
our boys are growing and thriving.
They're learning to pursue and follow after Christ on their own,
desiring to know Him and love Him.
Oh, how I love being their mom!
These boys inspire and challenge me.
Their strengthening wings are preparing for flight,
just as God designed them.

The truth is,
our marriage continues to be transformed by the power of Jesus Christ.
I look back on the early years and wince and smile.
So many ugly growing pains.
But God used those selfish, "me"-first conflicts and arguments to bring us to the end of ourselves.
While I'm still prone to give in to that old selfish sin nature,
we're learning better what it means to give our lives up for the other;
to love, respect, and communicate.
As we close in on 21 years this December,
I can say with absolute certainty that I adore my husband.
He's my best friend and completer,
my hero and soul mate.
And our marriage just keeps getting better and better.

The truth is,
through all the changing years and seasons,
my God has not once abandoned me or left me on my own.
He's faithfully carried and sustained,
filled and equipped.
This same God has been my shelter, my refuge, and my strength through all of my yesterdays.
When I've been unfaithful to Him,
He's never let go of me.
And He's given me an ever-growing,
ever-increasing delight in Him and His Word.
For so many years,
I sought fulfillment and satisfaction in earthly stuff and relationships.
But today, He's put in me a true hunger and thirst for Him.
Only in Him are my heart's deepest needs and longings met.

And so,
while many things are changing,
while hair is turning gray
and bifocals and mammograms are in the vocabulary,
I rejoice in the abundant life God has given me;
the blessings He's rained down,
the joys He's poured out.
For another year on the calendar is yet one more evidence of His grace.
It's a gift I will not squander or wish away.
I will take joy in God my Savior,
smile at all that's yet to come,
and thank Him for His immeasurable gifts.

So teach us to number our days

that we may get a heart of wisdom.

Psalm 90:12