{be strong & courageous}

While my blog has often been a means by which I outwardly process the stuff of life, God has seemingly called me into a quieter season throughout these past few months; a time of quiet pondering, processing, and application.  He's called me to be still...to hush...to simply listen.  As I've often eluded, these months are those of relinquishing control over that which was never mine to begin with; trusting that my God is wholly able and sufficient for each need I face; placing my life and the lives of those I love in His strong arms, fully believing that I can trust Him.

2012.  It's been a banner year in so many ways, filled with many memorable highlights and milestones.  Of course, it's these very highlights and milestones that have often caused my heart to race and my forehead to wrinkle in consternation.  How can one feel so much joy and so much dread all in one swift moment?

You see, this year brought with it milestone birthdays at our house.  Now, birthdays should never be cause for anything but joyful celebration, but squeeze them all together in a few short months?  It's been heart-stretching for this mama, to say the least.

Thirteen came with it the realization that my baby is a teenager, putting away childish things, and entering his final year of homeschooling.  Sixteen brought keys to the car and a state-issued license that says he can drive around with my heart.  And eighteen brought a final birthday "at home" and his final year of high school.  And then there's that whole "40" thing for me (which in truth, I know, is still young, but I'm still grappling with the implications of such a "mature"-sounding number {grin}).  As our youngest begins high school and our oldest begins college next fall, in many ways it feels that my identity, too, is changing.  Oh, and throw in the knowledge that I'll be looking for work for the first time in 19 years!

It's often felt overwhelming...just too much, you know?  I long to put on the brakes; to stop time and simply linger here in our little house; to be surrounded by my babies and embrace the normal I've come to know:  no change, no stretching, no goodbyes.

And yet, despite my best efforts to stop it, time keeps marching on.  Rather than altering my circumstances, God seems to be altering me.  On Tuesday morning, I'm going to wake up to the realization that it's 2013: the year that my comfortable little world gets rocked in at least a dozen different ways (and those are simply the ones I know about)!

Yes, I'm feeling afraid right now.  Yes, I have questions and doubts and uncertainties about what the coming season will look like.  No, I've never released a son before, and despite my longing to walk through this season with grace, I feel like I'm most often fumbling awkwardly and fighting to find my footing.

Yet as my eyes scan the horizon of this brand new year, the bedrock truth is this:  my God is with me.  He goes before me.  And nothing, no nothing, in the past, present, or future will alter His love for me.

And so I cling to Him.  As He commanded Joshua on the brink of an unknown, new season, He commands you and me:

"Be strong and courageous...
only be strong and very courageous...
be strong and courageous.
Do not be frightened, and do not be dismayed,
for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go."
Joshua 1:6-7, 9