{my whole life}

The first measures play and I'm back there.



Standing in a looming auditorium filled with parents and college freshmen.
Our firstborn son flanked by his dad and me.
Tears streaming down my cheeks.
It was the dedication service at our son's college last August---
the final moments before we said "see you later" for what seemed like an inordinate amount of time.
A defining moment.
As the worship team led us in this song,
my mouth tried to form the words,
but I had to settle for singing along in my heart.

Falling on my knees in worship
Giving all I am to seek Your face
Lord, all I am is Yours

Was it true of me?
As I stood there with my heart upraised and our firstborn son towering strong and steady beside me, the question rang in my heart:
The ones I love more than life?
My comfort?
My dreams?
My heart?
My all?
Had I released it all in sweet surrender to my Lord?

My whole life I place in Your hands
God of mercy, humbled I bow down
In Your presence, at Your throne

The fact is, I'd done it before.
Frequently.
The problem is, I take it all back again.
When change comes.
When fears rise.
When faced with the unknown.
When the cost seems too great.

This has been a year---again---
of learning to trust;
learning to release;
learning to surrender.
It's a daily, moment by moment act of faith to trust God's heart toward me,
believing that He is good;
being convinced that I can trust Him;
knowing that I can give Him my all,
because He is Lord over all.

Oh, friends, as this new year dawns, may our hearts be filled with indescribable hope, joy, and confidence in giving God all we are and have.  It's then that we have true peace.

"My times are in His hand."  Psalm 31:15