Throughout the course of these past weeks, I've been reflecting on all the blessings God has poured out on me. I have so very much for which to be thankful. Truly, my heart overflows with joy and thankfulness...
But in addition to the physical and relational blessings, I've been thinking about those unfulfilled longings and questions that still linger in my heart.
Can I be thankful for those?
- Why, after 8 long years, has God chosen not to bless us with another child?
- Why did He create three precious baby boys and, in the past 18 months, choose to take each one Home to be with Him before their parents were ever able to bring them home from the hospital?
- Why has He allowed such pain and sickness to touch the lives of so many loved ones in recent months?
- Why did He take my heart and soul friend and her family 3,500 miles away to live and love and minister in an unfamiliar, faraway place?
- Why, after so many months, are so many of our friends still walking through discouraging days of unemployment?
- Why are so many friends experiencing the pain of watching and loving prodigal children as they walk away?
It's those questions and so many more that I don't necessarily have the answers for. And perhaps I never will in this life.
Sometimes I get glimpses, though.I see how my Father God carried me and ministered to me and drew me so close to His heart through the pain of infertility. I see how He flung wide the doors and opened up avenues to deeper relationships with the girls in our youth group. They weren't the daughters I'd anticipated...but God, in his all-wise, loving ways, knew what was best.
That answer is enough for me. I'm content in that. But there are answers to other questions that I'm still awaiting.
"Nikki, can you give thanks for that which I (God) may never give you the privilege of understanding?"
That question stops me in my tracks. It convicts me and challenges me deeply. It's our nature to want to understand; to know what God is doing.
I can't presume to know His plans. I can't pretend to have it all figured out. But I do know His character. And I've seen---over and over again---His faithfulness in dark times. I've seen Him sustain and carry those with unbearable loads. I've seen Him work together for good that which, in and of itself, is anything but good. Throughout hard times, I'm learning to trust Him; I'm learning that I can entrust my life to Him, fully convinced that He is in control.
So while I'm overwhelmingly grateful for all those day-to-day blessings God has given me, this Thanksgiving I'm seeking to give thanks for those things for which I'm not necessarily prone to give thanks: the bitter cup, the ashes, the thorns. Because in that pain, He will be there---holding me, teaching me to trust, making me more like Him.
And for that I am thankful.
7 comments:
Your words are so true - it is so much easier to thank God for the multitude of blessings He has so graciously given us. But, to give thanks for those things that sting, to give thanks for the paths that He has chosen for us that we did not seek, that, my friend, is a challenge. But one that I will join you in. Love you!
oh nikki.....i'm SO very thankful that even though we are many many many miles apart that i can still hear your gentle loving voice through your blog writing. i feel like i've sat and had coffee with a dear friend. i miss you so. hope your holiday meal is filled with warmth. love you, sweet friend. and thank you for your transparency.
9 So we have not stopped praying for you since we first heard about you. We ask God to give you complete knowledge of his will and to give you spiritual wisdom and understanding. 10 Then the way you live will always honor and please the Lord, and your lives will produce every kind of good fruit. All the while, you will grow as you learn to know God better and better. 11 We also pray that you will be strengthened with all his glorious power so you will have all the endurance and patience you need. May you be filled with joy,[a] 12 always thanking the Father. He has enabled you to share in the inheritance that belongs to his people, who live in the light. 13 For he has rescued us from the kingdom of darkness and transferred us into the Kingdom of his dear Son, 14 who purchased our freedom[b] and forgave our sins. (Colossians 1:9-14)
6 And now, just as you accepted Christ Jesus as your Lord, you must continue to follow him. 7 Let your roots grow down into him, and let your lives be built on him. Then your faith will grow strong in the truth you were taught, and you will overflow with thankfulness. (Colossians 2:6-7)
Happy Thanksgiving, sweet daughter. Love you!
Visiting your blog from Wild Olive's site ... You have a beautiful blog! I can't wait to come back when I can stay longer! ;)
Beautiful, Nikki! Your love for God and His spirit shines through you like sunshine through a stain glass window. Keep shining!!
Blessed by your post...and then blessed again by the comments. :)
It's easy to say the words "God is good all the time", but I want to be a woman that actually BELIEVES and LIVES that truth. Thank you for reminding me of this, dear friend. I needed to hear that this morning. How I miss you!
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