Blessed Be Your Name

You know you're long overdue for a new blog entry when a regular reader (who is not your mom) emails you to make sure everything is okay since there have been no recent entries! Thanks for caring, Annette!

Yes, I've been absent from blogging over the past couple weeks. I've been prayerful and reflective as I've pondered God's love...His grace...and His sovereignty.

It started a couple of weeks ago when I began reading through the book of Job during my devotions. I read Job's familiar words in chapter 1:21: "Naked I came from my mother's womb, and naked I shall return. The Lord gave, and the Lord has taken away, blessed be the name of the Lord." In chapter 2, God says, "He [Job] still holds fast his integrity, although you [Satan] incited me against him to destroy him without reason." v. 3 I remember thinking, 'Wow, would God be able to say that of me in the face of trial? Would I hold fast to my integrity? Would I hold fast to Him?'

A few days later I was standing in our church's worship service singing the same words I'd read in my devotions just days before. "You give and take away, You give and take away, My heart will choose to say, Lord, blessed be Your name." Though the words resounded strongly in my heart, tears slipped down my cheeks. A dear family in our church had just received word that the man...a young forty-something friend of ours...has cancer. I knew that even in the midst of their current circumstances, they were choosing to bless the name of the Lord.

Just two days later I went for my annual check-up. I was diagnosed with endometriosis 2 years ago and have been having increasing pain and difficulty. As I conveyed my issues to the doctor, he told me that he wanted to run an ultrasound. He believed that my pain was due to endometriosis, but, he said, he also wanted to rule out cancer.

I scheduled my ultrasound for the following week and got into my van. As I turned the key in the ignition, the words to "Blessed Be Your Name" again rang through the speakers. I sat in the parking lot of my doctor's office, singing and weeping. I was in uncharted territory, and my heart was afraid. Oh, it's so easy to praise the Lord when "the world's all as it should be" but could I praise Him when confronted with the possibility of cancer? Despite my fear of the unknown (and my sinful habit of worry), I resolved then and there that I would praise Him.

Immediately, we were surrounded by praying friends and family all across this country. Time and time again over the past week, they've reminded me that God is good; that He is faithful; that He can be trusted. They've told us that they would be praying...and they did. They poured courage and strength into us when we were afraid. One friend spoke with me honestly yesterday. She point-blank asked me, "And if you do have cancer...would that be the worst thing?" I was somewhat stunned and taken aback by her question (it showed, didn't it, Nichole?), but you know what? Her question directed my heart and my focus back to the most imporant thing: regardless, whether I live or die, I am the Lord's. He's got me in His grip. I'm secure. I'm safe. And He's always working for my good and His glory.

So yes, God's been working on me this week. He's used these days to lift my eyes to Him; to remove them from the temporal and fix them on His glory and holiness; to believe, with conviction, that no matter what, I'm gonna praise His name.

I went for my ultrasound today, and as far as the technician could see, there were no abnormalities. Of course, we're still waiting for official word from the doctor in the coming days. But my heart is rejoicing and praising God...not just for the encouraging physical report...not just that I don't have cancer...but for the heart surgery that He performed on me in these past days, too.

Update: I spoke with my doctor, and there were indeed no abnormalities on my ultrasound. Thanks for your prayers and encouragement!

Blessed Be Your Name by Matt Redman

Blessed Be Your Name
In the land that is plentiful
Where Your streams of abundance flow
Blessed be Your name

Blessed Be Your name
When I'm found in the desert place
Though I walk through the wilderness
Blessed Be Your name

Every blessing You pour out
I'll turn back to praise
When the darkness closes in, Lord
Still I will say

Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be Your name
Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be Your glorious name

Blessed be Your name
When the sun's shining down on me
When the world's 'all as it should be'
Blessed be Your name

Blessed be Your name
On the road marked with suffering
Though there's pain in the offering
Blessed be Your name

Every blessing You pour out
I'll turn back to praise
When the darkness closes in, Lord
Still I will say

Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be Your name
Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be Your glorious name

You give and take away
You give and take away
My heart will choose to say
Lord, blessed be Your name