This Year

{my whole life}

The first measures play and I'm back there.



Standing in a looming auditorium filled with parents and college freshmen.
Our firstborn son flanked by his dad and me.
Tears streaming down my cheeks.
It was the dedication service at our son's college last August---
the final moments before we said "see you later" for what seemed like an inordinate amount of time.
A defining moment.
As the worship team led us in this song,
my mouth tried to form the words,
but I had to settle for singing along in my heart.

Falling on my knees in worship
Giving all I am to seek Your face
Lord, all I am is Yours

Was it true of me?
As I stood there with my heart upraised and our firstborn son towering strong and steady beside me, the question rang in my heart:
The ones I love more than life?
My comfort?
My dreams?
My heart?
My all?
Had I released it all in sweet surrender to my Lord?

My whole life I place in Your hands
God of mercy, humbled I bow down
In Your presence, at Your throne

The fact is, I'd done it before.
Frequently.
The problem is, I take it all back again.
When change comes.
When fears rise.
When faced with the unknown.
When the cost seems too great.

This has been a year---again---
of learning to trust;
learning to release;
learning to surrender.
It's a daily, moment by moment act of faith to trust God's heart toward me,
believing that He is good;
being convinced that I can trust Him;
knowing that I can give Him my all,
because He is Lord over all.

Oh, friends, as this new year dawns, may our hearts be filled with indescribable hope, joy, and confidence in giving God all we are and have.  It's then that we have true peace.

"My times are in His hand."  Psalm 31:15

{happy of soul}

I do not know

when I have had happier times

in my soul

than when I have been sitting at work,

with nothing before me

but a candle and a white cloth,

and hearing no sound

but that of my own breath;

with God in my soul

and heaven in my eye.

I rejoice in being exactly what I am---

a creature capable of loving God,

and who, as long as God lives,

must be happy.

I get up

and look a while out the window.

I gaze at the moon and stars,

the work of an Almighty Hand.

I think of the grandeur of the universe

and then sit down

and think myself

one of the happiest

beings in it.

~ an anonymous 18th century woman

{you'll find your way}

I received a text from a friend one day last year,
asking if I was home and if she could drop something off.
Curious as to what it might be,
I eagerly awaited her arrival.
A few moments later,
she appeared on my doorstep extending a cd to me.
It was an autographed copy by one of our favorites---
Andrew Peterson.
With a smile on her face, she lovingly urged me to listen to the song, You'll Find Your Way.
"It's your song," she encouraged.

I'm convinced that knowing and tracking with a friend's heart is a learned art; to ask not only what's happening in her life, but to remember...to follow up...to feel it alongside her.
That's what this friend did for me that day.
And in an unexpected way, she was a vessel God used to pour hope and courage into my soul.

So this is for the sons of my heart:
sons growing, spreading their wings, and preparing to fly.
Hold fast, my sons.

Thus says the Lord:

"Stand by the roads, and look,

and ask for the ancient paths,

where the good way is; and walk in it,

and find rest for your souls."

Jeremiah 6:16

"Let us hold fast the confession of our hope without wavering, for He who promised is faithful."

Hebrews 10:23

[let love be genuine]

"Let love be genuine.

Abhor what is evil;

hold fast to what is good.

Love one another with brotherly affection.

Outdo one another in showing honor.

Do not be slothful in zeal,

be fervent in spirit,

serve the Lord.

Rejoice in hope,

be patient in tribulation,

be constant in prayer.

Contribute to the needs of the saints

and seek to show hospitality.

Bless those who persecute you;

bless and do not curse them.

Rejoice with those who rejoice,

weep with those who weep

Live in harmony with one another.

Romans 12:9-16a

Seedtime & Harvest

“To the Christian it should be great joy,
by means of the harvest,
to receive an assurance of God's faithfulness.
The Lord has promised that seed-time and harvest,
summer and winter, shall never cease;
and when you see the loaded wain
carrying in the crop, you may say to yourself,
"God is true to his promise.
Despite the dreary winter and the damp spring,
autumn has come with its golden grain."
Depend upon it, that as the Lord keeps this promise
He will keep all the rest.
All His promises are yea and amen in Christ Jesus:
if He keeps his covenant to the earth,
much more will he keep His covenant with His own people,
whom He hath loved with an everlasting love.
Go, Christian, to the mercy-seat with the promise
on your lip and plead it.
Be assured it is not a dead letter.
Let not unbelief cause you to stammer when you mention
the promise before the throne, but say it boldly—
"Fulfill this word unto thy servant
on which thou hast caused me to hope."
Shame upon us that we so little believe our God.
The world is full of proofs of His goodness.
Every rising sun, every falling shower,
every revolving season certifies His faithfulness.
Wherefore do we doubt Him?
If we never doubt Him till we have cause for it
we shall never know distrust again.
Encouraged by the return of harvest,
let us resolve in the strength of the Spirit of God
that we will not waver,
but will believe in the divine word and rejoice in it.” 
~ Charles Spurgeon

[purpose]

Throughout recent days, I've been thinking about the purpose of my blog.
It occurred to me that without Jesus,
I've got nothing to offer you here.
Oh, I can bare my ever-changing emotions and feelings
(as unpredictable as the weather).
I can extend a lot of commiseration;
I can empathize with desperate hearts and
assure them I've been where they are.
Without Jesus,
I can try to make you feel better about yourself.
But at the end of the day,
what good is that?

Yes, I can be real and honest and raw.
After all, that's modeled for us repeatedly throughout the Psalms.
But there's always, always, always
truth and hope.
There's no wallowing in self-pity and hopelessness.
What good is it, my friends,
to bare my soul and my struggles and my fears if,
when it's all said and done,
there's no growing in truth and righteousness---
no evidence of Christ changing me---
taking this sinful, selfish life and
transforming it to look like His?
We don't need to wallow in defeat and hopelessness.
The God of the universe---my God---
is in the business of making everything new.
Including me.

So, I thank you for reading, friends.
I hope that when you come here,
you feel blessed and encouraged;
you feel a little less alone;
you receive new hope and passion
to love and invest in your family;
to make memories and 'be all there.'
Maybe you'll even get a new recipe or
a bit of inspiration as you create your haven.
But at the root of it all,
my heart's prayer and desire is that,
with each visit,
your eyes are directed to Jesus;
your heart is pointed to Truth,
your faith is bolstered,
and you're reminded that,
whatever it is you're facing---
whatever deep aches and pains you face---
our hope is in the holy God of the universe.
He is faithful.  He is able.  He is enough.
May our hearts beat solely and steadfastly for Him alone.

It Matters

Washing and drying umpteen loads of laundry--- 

and folding it. 

Making our bed. 

Swishing out the toilet (used by 4 men, mind you) 

Scouring out burned on food from the bottom of my favorite pot. 

Washing windows. 

Filing bills (that should have been done a long time ago). 

Dusting and vacuuming. 

Scrubbing the floors. 

Cleaning out the fridge. 

Loading/unloading the dishwasher. 

Reorganizing the cupboards. 

Cleaning up doggie puddles (and piles). 

Paying the bills. 

Planning and cooking meals. 

Shopping for groceries. 

Keeping the family calendar. 

Driving "taxi" all over town. 

Creating an atmosphere--- 

making a haven. 

Planning parties. 

Buying gifts. 

Sending cards. 

Building memories. 

So small, yet so big.

Significant.

What's on your list this week, dear one?

Are you convinced it's meaningful?
Noticed?
Appreciated?

Your Father God sees each nose wiped,
each sheet changed,
each toilet swished.
You bring Him glory by gladly embracing the seemingly monotonous and mundane.
Your obedience brings Him honor and praise.
Believe it, dear one.
It matters.

"What you do in your house is worth 

as much as if you did it up in heaven 

for our Lord God."

~ Martin Luther

[you are mine]

This Valentine's Day and always,
take joy in these words from God's heart to ours:

But now thus says the Lord,
He who created you, O Jacob,
He who formed you, O Israel:
"Fear not, for I have redeemed you;
I have called you by name,
you are mine.
When you pass through the waters,
I will be with you;
and through the rivers,
they shall not overwhelm you;
when you walk through fire you
shall not be burned,
and the flame shall not consume you.
For I am the Lord your God,
the Holy One of Israel, your Savior...
...you are precious in my eyes,
and honored, and I love you."

Isaiah 43:1-3a, 4a

seen and remembered

• God remembered Noah...and the waters subsided.  [Genesis 8:1]
• God remembered Abraham and sent Lot out...  [Genesis 19:29]
• God remembered Rachel...and opened her womb [Genesis 30:22]
• God remembered His covenant...God saw the people of Israel---and God knew.  [Exodus 2:24-25]

Don't these words make your heart soar? 
Contrary to what we might think or feel sometimes,
God remembers.

We're not overlooked or forgotten. 
We're not simply one of billions to lose track of amidst more important matters.
Our God is not unaware.
We're seen. 
Known.
Loved so personally.
Remembered.

Believe it, dear one.

God remembered Nikki and brought unexpected blessing from a decision made more than 20 years before.

How has our loving heavenly Father shown you that He remembers you lately?

[strength]

There are those precious friends in life whom God has called to walk beside us.  They're friends who are faithful through changing seasons and moves and valleys and moutaintops.  They're the ones who know everything about us and love us anyway.  They're the ones who have opened the doors to their hearts and invited us to stay.  They're the ones who, no matter the circumstance or need, will always direct our eyes to Jesus.

One of my favorite friendship verses is 1 Samuel 23:16:  "Jonathan, Saul's son, rose and went to David at Horesh, and strengthened his hand in God."

That's what my friends do for me.  And that's what I long to do for them.  Our friendship is about more than simply having common interests and similar life stories.  It's about our foundation; being rooted and grounded in Jesus.  It's coming alongside and reminding one another of the truths in God's Word.  These sister friends strengthen my hand in God,  and I am forever grateful.

As I was having my quiet time this morning, I discovered 1 Samuel 30:6:  "But David strengthened himself in the Lord his God."

While God is faithful to surround us with friends, there are also times when friends may fail; when we may feel distant or alone or forgotten.  As much as I fight against it, I know there are times I've disappointed my friends.  Additionally, I recognize that I've often sought solace and hope and encouragement from my earthly relationships, rather than from my Father God.  While He's called us into relationship with one another, He also wants us to find our satisfaction and joy in Him alone.  In this verse, we're shown that David strengthened himself in God; no one else was around to lift him up.  He found strength and comfort and joy in his Father God.

Are you feeling alone today?  Isolated?  Disappointed?  Are you feeling that no one is aware of your hurt or understands the depths of your pain?  Strengthen yourself in God, dear one.  Speak His Truth to yourself; rehearse Scripture; remind yourself how He's been gracious to you in the past.  The loneliness and drought of this current season could be exactly what He's using to turn your heart's gaze to Him. 

He alone is our strength. 

[hope]

My soul is bereft of peace;

I have forgotten what happiness is;

so I say, "My endurance has perished;

so has my hope from the Lord."

Remember my affliction and my

wanderings,

the wormwood and the gall!

My soul continually remembers it

and is bowed down within me.

But this I call to mind,

and therefore I have hope:

The steadfast love of the Lord never

ceases;

His mercies never come to an end;

they are new every morning;

great is Your faithfulness.

"The Lord is my portion," says my soul,

"therefore I will hope in Him."

Lamentations 3:17-24

My Grandma: Setting the Pace

I know of no other woman who has personified encouragement through the written word more than my grandma. 

My grandma's life was radically changed and transformed by Jesus just before I was born.  My entire life, she's been all about sharing that story; how God lavishly showed mercy, gave hope, and brought healing.  In so many ways, she's my hero.

In addition to the speaking ministry she had for 30 years, my grandma has been the master letter-writer.  The image that is impressed on my heart is her sitting at her kitchen table, a stack of cards beside her, writing truth and hope into the lives of loved ones near and far.  Some were family; some were old friends.  Some were simply new friends she'd made on one of her speaking engagements.  I vividly remember the many times my grandma returned from her travels, excitedly telling me the stories of the new people she'd met.  She told them she'd follow up with them.  And she did. 

My grandma has always prided herself on being the first to mail and distribute her Christmas cards, right before Thanksgiving.  With her ministry and involvement in the lives of countless people over these years, her card list is incredibly lengthy.  Yet even until a couple of years ago, she included a personal, handwritten letter in each card.  As she closes in on 86 this year, she has finally (somewhat reluctantly, I might add) agreed to accept help and include a typed newsletter in each card.  Yet the thrust of her ministry has not changed.

My grandma points to Jesus.  The words in her cards are not simply the "you can do it ~ believe in yourself ~ you're the best ~ pick yourself up by your bootstraps" type of encouragement.  Rather, they are words of truth and life; words that point to Jesus as the unmovable rock when all of life is swirling; words that assure us that she's praying (and she is); words that remind us that Jesus is coming back, and our greatest joy is in serving and loving Him till He returns.

What a powerful, living legacy she has set before me.  She inspires and motivates me.  She reminds me how, no matter the age or stage or season, God can use us profoundly to reach out and encourage those around us, whether they're right next door or across the seas.  Through the written word and a bit of dedicated time and prayer, we can speak lasting words of hope into the lives of those who so desperately need it.

The team over at [in]courage is all about encouraging women.  If you're not familiar with this awesome community of women, I urge you to pay them a visit.  I'm confident you'll be blessed!  Because they value the importance of reaching out to women, they offered the everyday all occasion cards and the birthday blessings cards to their readers with the loving encouragement to use them to reach out to those in our lives with the love of Jesus.  Thanks so much, Dayspring! Because my grandma has been setting the pace all these years and given me a vision and excitement about this crucial ministry, I was eager to participate in this giveaway.  My grandma's example goes before me, and I am so thankful to be carrying on the same mission she's valued and held to all these years. 

And so today, the question I pose to myself---and to you, dear reader---is this:

Who needs to know that they're noticed...appreciated...supported?
Who in my world needs to hear that I'm rooting for them...rejoicing with them...celebrating them?
Who needs to hear I'm feeling it alongside them...weeping with them...praying for them?
Who needs to be reminded that God is able...faithful...sufficient for every need they face?

Use us, Father, to be friends who intentionally seek to strengthen and encourage hearts in You... 

Rejoice!

"And the angel said unto them, Fear not: for, behold, I bring you good tidings of great joy, which shall be to all people.  For unto you is born this day in the city of David a Savior, which is Christ the Lord.  And this shall be a sign unto you; Ye shall find the babe wrapped in swaddling clothes, lying in a manger."  Luke 2:10-12

Rejoice, ye who feel that ye are lost;
your Saviour comes to seek and save you.
Be of good cheer ye who are in prison,
for He comes to set you free.
Ye who are famished and ready to die,
rejoice that He has consecrated for you a Bethlehem,
a house of bread,
and He has come to be the bread of life to your souls.
Rejoice, O sinners everywhere,
for the restorer of the castaways,
the Savior of the fallen is born.
Join in the joy, ye saints,
for He is the preserver of the saved ones,
delivering them from innumerable perils,
and He is the sure perfecter of such as he preserves.
Jesus is no partial Savior,
beginning a work and not concluding it;
but, restoring and upholding,
He also perfects and presents
the saved ones without spot or wrinkle,
or any such thing before his Father's throne.
Rejoice aloud all ye people,
let your hills and valleys ring with joy,
for a Saviour who is mighty to save is born among you."
--Charles Spurgeon

Simple Things

• wiping away tears of joy at the wedding of one who is like a son to us
• crisp early mornings with the golden hue of autumn warming the soul
• coffee with hazelnut creamer in my favorite fall mug
• our youngest ~ a fountain of information and perpetual joy
• our new freshman's face alight with excitement and confidence upon his arrival home from school
• our firstborn giving a speech before community leaders, causing me to whisper, "Thank You, God..."
• an unexpected lunch date with my beloved
• a phone call spanning thousands of miles, yet serving as a reminder that our hearts are as close---or closer---than ever
• a lunch date of hummus on flatbread with girlfriends after 2 1/2 months apart
• visiting for hours with two of our former "kids" who are strongly walking with Jesus
• daily texts with the ones I love
• reuniting with my small group girls
• praying for our high school with like-minded moms
• my "home sweet home" candle burning brightly
• reminders...big and small...of God's grace everywhere I look.

"See the Lord and His strength;

seek His presence continually!

Remember the wondrous works

that He has done..."

1 Chronicles 16:11-12a

She trusts...

Don't you love it when God brings verses to life at specific moments in time, just when you need them most?  I know I've read this verse many times throughout my life, but never did it strike a chord in my heart like it did this summer---a summer of learning to trust, believe, and release.  It was clearly my heavenly Father's gentle words of comfort and admonishment, just for me.  Once again, I am awed by and grateful for His rich, personal ministry to each individual heart. 

***In order to personalize this project, I changed the "he" to "she."

She smiles...

God has given me what seems to be a "theme verse" over recent months.  In fact, it became so much my "mantra," that my husband wrote it on my happy board---you can see why it's aptly named.

Proverbs 31:25.  "She laughs at the days to come" or  "She smiles at the future."

A woman who is beautiful in God's eyes has a heart at rest;
a heart that's joyful. 
Peaceful. 
Hopeful.
She gladly welcomes the days not seen,
fully knowing and trusting the One who holds them.

Oh, God, may it be true of me.

Because this verse resonates in my heart with increasing volume, I decided to make a more permanent and visible reminder of it.  So I ended up making this:

I also made a companion verse (which I'll share in a later post).  I'm talking to myself a lot these days---rehearsing scripture and truth---thinking on what is true.  What truths are you meditating on?

Bookends

One of my heroes of the faith is Susannah Spurgeon, wife of Charles Spurgeon who served as pastor at London's Metropolitan Tabernacle in the 1800's.  My favorite story---and the one that has impacted me the most profoundly over the years---tells how Spurgeon's ministry was thriving, yet he was concerned that he might be neglecting his young family at home.  He returned home unexpectedly one evening.  When he arrived, he discovered the house calm and quiet.  As he went up the stairs, he heard the voice of his wife praying with their children, naming them one by one.  As he heard her heart and witnessed the love in their home, Spurgeon thought, "I can go on with my work.  My children are well cared for."  ("God's High Calling for Women ~ John MacArthur)

Throughout my brief 16 years of motherhood, recollecting this story has put wind in my sails and a vision in my heart.  There were many times, early in motherhood, when I sometimes (ok, often) grew resentful of the things I seemingly "couldn't" do.  It sometimes felt like I was stuck with little people who neither understood nor appreciated my obvious "sacrifice."  Yes, motherhood shone a light on my long-neglected selfishness.  It wasn't pretty, to say the least. 

I'm so thankful that, early on, God broke in and convicted my heart.  He gave me a passion for my own children; a contentedness at home; a heart and a vision for the ministry that takes place here.  My husband and I are one.  We're equal.  But He's given us different spheres of influence.  He showed me that, in gladly discipling and shepherding our own boys in our home, I was freeing my husband to do ministry outside of our home.  My joy and satisfaction at home (or lack thereof) has a significant impact on my husband's ability to serve outside of it.  And somehow, in gladly embracing my role in caring for our home and family, I'm contributing large.  As Elizabeth George eludes, in filling and freeing my husband to serve without guilt, his service "out there" is my contribution--my gift--to society. 

What joy!  What satisfaction!  What beauty! 
What an amazing God that strategically created us to be bookends that work together, compliment one another, and bring glory to the gospel. 

"Her husband is known in the gates

when he sits among the elders of the land."

Proverbs 31:23

He Knows

Upon arrival in New Orleans, my girls and I were directed to our room in the yellow house.  However, upon entrance, we discovered another group had already settled there, leaving 3 remaining beds in that particular room.  And there were 7 of us. 

We were told there were 4 additional beds available in another room on the other side of the house.  But selfishly, I didn't want to be split up.  I wanted all my girls together on this last trip.  We were sad.  Incredibly sad. We all bucked up and separated into 2 groups, but in my heart, I was grieving and feeling sorry for myself.  This wasn't the way it was supposed to be.

During the hours that followed, I had the usual thoughts I always have in the first 24 hours of being away from my family:  I want to go home.  I hate it here.  Saturday can't come soon enough.  Blah, blah, blah.  Those thoughts, of course, were compounded as I wallowed in my bitterness about the room situation.  Little did I know, though, that God was once again up to something completely unexpected.

It began as small talk.  I chatted with the other leader in our room.  She was a little older than me.  Her boys were a few years ahead of mine.  I learned she was a pastor's wife.  And then her story began to unfold.  She explained that she and her husband had been in youth ministry for 17 years when the church leadership approached her husband 2 years ago and asked him to become the pastor of adult ministries. 

Are you kidding me? [for anyone who may have missed it, see this post]

I don't think I could even speak.  I think God silenced me so that all I'd do was listen. 

This woman I'd never met.
This woman I ordinarily would not have roomed with, and consequently, probably would not have had opportunity for extended conversation.
This woman who had been where I am;
who understands where I am.

She spoke of adjustment and change, joy and blessing. 
She described her continued involvement in youth ministry;
growing, stretching, letting go, and flourishing.
She spoke to me of hope and contentment.

Somewhere in there, I managed to whisper a
"Me, too.  That's just where we are."
And we hugged in understanding.
We hugged in recognition of God's gracious hand once again leading, guiding, and loving us so perfectly. 
So personally.  So completely.

Two women from the midwest finding kindredness in the central city of New Orleans;
God using one to pour courage and hope and strength into the other.

My God knows me. 
As my loving Father, He knows just what I need.
I'm blown away---completely awed---by the way He lovingly, repeatedly customizes these sweet reminders of His active involvement, active care in my life. 

When our group came together for devotions, I testified that God had taken what we viewed as a disappointing situation and worked it for good.  And not only that, despite the fact that my girls and me were in two separate rooms, God provided incredibly rich, sweet, tear-stained nights in fellowship and prayer.  As always, I'd been wrong to doubt Him; wrong to question His perfect plan.  Because as always, He knew exactly what He was doing.  And I think that's a lesson that my girls and I won't soon forget.

Of Rain and Serpentine Belts and Grace

We weren't far into our long trek to New Orleans when God sent us an incredibly awesome, not-soon-to-be-forgotten reminder of His faithfulness!

About an hour into our travels, we hit torrential rain.  I'm talking, windshield wipers on full blast, minimal visibility, knuckle-whitening rain.  As a matter of fact, that's how it was much of the way down to Louisiana.  Anyhow, we had crossed the state line only moments before when the lights on our dashboard began flashing and bells began dinging.  Before I knew it, my husband calmly said, "The van's losing power.  I'm sure it's the serpentine belt."  Thank God for my calm, balanced husband when my own heart is reeling!  He turned off the air, the cd player, the wipers---everything he could in order to preserve the battery.

We immediately contacted the other van in our caravan and told them we'd be pulling off the interstate as soon as possible.  The first available exit took us into farm country...Boone County, to be exact.  In our minds, this exit was everything less than ideal.  There was nothing for miles around.  As we headed east, the landscape got more and more rural.  Our son fired up his i-phone and GPS and mapped out the route to the nearest "country" garage.  As we followed his directions, we came into a small community.  We were so intent on following the directions, we missed the fact that we had just passed a NAPA Auto Parts store.  One of our guys noticed and spoke up, "Hey, what about that place?"  My husband turned our caravan around and pulled into the lot.  As we all remained in the vans, my husband strolled directly into the garage to inquire about their availability to help us out. 

It wasn't long before he returned, gladly informing us that they had time to repair our van.  Not only that, but they warmly invited all 13 of us into their "playroom" to wait (and use the restroom).  As soon as we entered the waiting area, we spotted Bible verses posted on the walls, not to mention a display featuring information about the auto care ministry they do each Monday evening.  We giddily laughed and smiled as we recognized this garage as a specific gift of God. 

Twenty minutes later, the mechanic strolled in and informed us our van was set and ready to go.  When my husband tried to pay him, our new friend insisted that there was no charge.  Our group gathered in the far end of the garage and bowed our heads in joyful thanksgiving, marveling at God's grace and goodness.  He had so obviously and clearly provided for and protected us.  He used this delay as an opportunity to remind us of His love.  It was a divine appointment that only He could arrange.  Our hearts soared and took courage as we set out once again.

But that was just the beginning of God's grace-filled reminders...