{happy birthday, my love}

When you get married young,

you grow up together.

And of all the things I do or have done,

growing up with Jon has been (and is) my favorite.
We are, after all, still growing, still learning, still changing.

When spring breaks and his birthday rolls 'round each March,
it's an all-out celebration.
For I have the indescribable joy of loving and being loved by this remarkable man.
To everyone else, he's this electric personality.
He's warm and inviting.
He's sincere and thoughtful.
He's passionate and funny.
He asks questions, not to make small talk,
but because he cares to know the answer.
Can I let you in on a little secret?
This isn't just the "out there" Jon.
As his wife, I have the privilege of living with him up close and personal-like.
And what he is out there,
he is in our home.
And what he is in our home,
he is out there.
He's the real deal, folks.
He's a man who steadily takes one step after another on the heels of Jesus.
He models joy and satisfaction in his relationship with his Father, showing the rest of us that it's not just for show.
It's real and compelling and satisfying.
I see God changing him and rearranging him;
making him over and conforming his heart to His.
every. single. day.

And that's why I celebrate.
I rejoice and thank God for this incredible gift,
not just on his birthday,
but everyday.
For he loves me and leads me so stinkin' good!
He shows our boys what it means for a man to love his bride as Christ loves His Church.
And I'm exceedingly grateful for the example that they---and all of us---have in him.

Happy, Happy Birthday, Jonny!
I love you with all my heart!  

{jon & nikki}

History is full of famous couples.  You can't hear one name without automatically finishing it with the other.

Adam & Eve
Romeo & Juliet
Cleopatra & Marc Antony
Elizabeth Bennett & Mr. Darcy
Lucy & Desi

I once found myself introducing a new friend to a longtime friend.  My new friend had already made the acquaintance of my longtime friend's husband, so in order for her to make the connection, I said, "This is Julia, Patrick's wife."

Much to my surprise, my longtime friend burst out, "I hate it when I'm introduced that way!"

I was dumbfounded.

For days, I pondered her words and tried to understand the heart behind them.

I suppose that, if you buy into the lie the world is marketing---the lie, steeped in fear, that warns wives to stand up for their rights and independence or else they'll be walked over and trampled---one could find cause to disdain her title.  After all, if a wife doesn't feel infinitely valued, equal, and cherished, there may be reason to recoil at the description of so and so's wife.

But, friends, as we go back to the beginning, we see this loving, sovereign God institute marriage.  Genesis 2:24 reads,

"Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh."  

Marriage brings with it new identity, friends.
We're one.
We leave the old life and enter a covenant bond.
We give ourselves to one another for life.
Permanently sealed.

Now, some may do this kicking and screaming, fighting for their rights, insisting on their independence.  Sure, it can be done this way, but it leads only to loneliness and unfulfillment.

Or we can gladly embrace and celebrate God's excellent design.
It's not some man-made contrivance.
It's perfectly made by God.
And He says
we're completely equal in every way (Philippians 2);
one is not more important than the other;
we simply have different roles to be an echo to this world of His love for His Church (Ephesians 5).

One flesh.
Together.
Complete.

So I don't know about you, but I delight in this gift of marriage---in being introduced as Jon's wife.  While we each have different roles, talents, and gifts, I hope that my name is synonymous with his; that people, when thinking of us, can't help but put us together.

Jon & Nikki
Better together.

And I pray that together, our marriage radiantly reflects Him.

{that one ugly November day}

After walking with Jesus for more than 35 years, I marvel as never before at His Word.  It's so personal.  So practical.  So applicable. And so often, God uses it to give me a nice, swift kick in the pants.

My day got off to a rough start yesterday.  My husband made a benign comment that immediately escalated in my mind.  I made assumptions about his intent, convinced he was trying to be malicious. I was hurt and offended and let him know it.  Though he tried to apologize, I wasn't ready to accept it.  Somewhat confused, he left for work, leaving behind a still-seething wife.

All morning long, I replayed the scenario in my brain.
I felt justified in my anger.
I carefully constructed a well-thought argument why I was right and he was so very wrong.

He came home for lunch, hoping to make things right.  It was obvious when he found me putting away laundry upstairs that I wasn't ready to make things right.
I wanted to be right.
And I told him so.

And once again, he returned to work, leaving behind an angry, bitter wife.  He texted a while later,
again apologizing and asking me to forgive him.  But I wasn't ready to let go of my anger---or my pride.

At that point it occurred to me I hadn't had my quiet time that morning.  And honestly, despite the fact that I felt justified and right all along, I was absolutely miserable.  My heart was restless, I felt distracted, and I (obviously) was lacking joy and contentment.  I knew I needed time with my Father.  And so I sat down in my big comfy chair with my Bible and my devotional book.

And truly, this is where it gets lol!
I mean, an all-out laugh out loud God-moment!
As I opened my devotional book to yesterday, November 19, this is what I saw:

Then the Lord said, "Is it right for you to be angry?"  Jonah 4:4

Really?  I mean, really?!
It doesn't get much more direct, personal, or in-your-face than that!

At once, the barricades crumbled and a rush of tears flowed.  The Holy Spirit convicted me of my sin.  In tears I confessed and repented to my heavenly Father, and immediately after, I contacted my husband to apologize; to offer and receive forgiveness.

I share this very humbling story for a couple of reasons.
One, our marriage is amazing, but not perfect.
Afterall, it's made up of a couple of sinners!
God uses marriage to reveal our own sinfulness---to hold up a mirror to our selfishness and pride.
It shows us how desperately we need the gospel.
It teaches us to selflessly love and give and serve and forgive---
you know, like He does.
I'm so thankful for the love and grace my husband demonstrates toward me.
Through him, I see a picture of Christ's love.

My second reason for sharing this story is to remind you that God's word is real.
Alive.
Active.
Don't believe the lie that it's not relevant;
don't attempt to convince yourself that it's not all that important.
Oh, how I thank God that He speaks to us through His Word;
that He challenges, convicts, instructs, and teaches us.
Oh, dear one, it's His love letter to you!
Read and prioritize it.
Treasure and apply it.
Love it and live it.
May God use it to make our hearts, our lives, and our marriages a holy reflection of Him.

After All Those Years

Two weeks ago I left a huge part of my heart in Chicago.

I knew it was going to hurt.

I anticipated that.

What I didn't anticipate was how hemmed in I'd feel.

Before me, behind me,

I felt cocooned.

Tucked in.

Don't get me wrong.

Leaving our son was by far the most excruciating thing I've ever done.

But never in my life have I felt so surrounded in prayer.

In the midst of the pain,

I felt peace.

Drew is thriving in college.

I'm thankful for modern technology that allows me to see the light in his eyes.

I'm absolutely joyful to hear about his new classes, friendships, and experiences.

God is strongly at work, and I can't adequately express my heart of gratitude for all that He's doing in and around our son.  

This week brought the next round of launching.
Ryan returned to high school as a junior,
while Luke entered his freshman year.
Their excitement was contagious.
Luke's quote after his first full day kind of says it all:
"I get to do this everyday?"
I'm thankful for their hunger for knowledge, their heart for their friends, and their desire to lead and make a difference for the glory of Christ.

Sending our "baby" to high school has brought a whole new season here.
After 13 years of homeschooling,
I'm retired, so to speak.
Crazy how that happens so quickly.
I'm working 3 days a week (and still LOVING my job).
That leaves me 2 days to invest in new ways.
This Tuesday found me cleaning and organizing our house (which will continue for many Tuesdays to come, I'm thinkin').
And Thursdays---the day known as "Family Day" for more than 18 years---has gradually turned into "Couple's Day."  It's my husband's day off of work, and---aside from the occasional golf outing (him) or lunch date (me) that might separate us, we have a weekly built-in date day!
I'd be lying if I said that doesn't make me giddy!

Many years ago when Jon and I were dating,
I latched on to a song by Farrell & Farrell (remember them?) entitled, "After All Those Years."
I couldn't know the depth of meaning in that song at the tender age of 15.
And I likely still don't know it in its fullness the way I will when our nest is truly empty.
But for all these years as we've loved and nurtured and trained our little guys' hearts,
these lyrics have been imprinted on my own heart.
They've never been far from my mind.
And though life is changing like the leaves,
I'm elated that God has placed me in a covenant relationship with this guy.
He's still the one that makes my heart flutter,
the one whose hand I love to hold;
he's the one with whom I'm thankful to work through the hard and the gritty
and blissfully sail with through smooth waters.
As days are changing
and sons are leaving (even if only for a little while)
and nothing in the day-to-day is like it used to be,
I'm thankful that he's not going anywhere.
He's still right here, pointing my eyes to Jesus.
After all these years.

After all those years
When I look into your eyes
And I see the one
I've chosen to adore
After all those years
When our children
Have said goodbye
After all those years
I'll love you even more
After all those years

{they do}

I mentioned recently that 2013 is---once again---the year of the wedding.
I really can't adequately articulate the joy that floods our souls as my husband and I get to participate in the joining together of lives committed first to God, and then to one another.
In almost all cases, these are the "kids" we got to work with for most of their lives.
Now, seeing them all grown up and desiring to make much of Christ through their marriages, it's our absolute delight to do premarital counseling with them (and for my husband, getting to marry them)!

The most recent wedding took place this weekend.
It was an incredibly sweet, God-honoring, fairy tale day,
and as I watched Jason and Elizabeth worship together and make vows to one another,
the verse that rang in my heart and mind was 3 John 1:4

"I have no greater joy than to hear that my children are walking in the truth."

Jason & Elizabeth

Two of our other former "kids" who have been married in the last year or so.  So glad that when these guys married, my life was further enhanced by their beautiful, precious wives.

Happy, Happy Birthday, Jonny!

Twenty five years ago I gave a birthday card to my friend, Jon.

"Just as a friend," I thought.

Though secretly, I dreamed of more.

We'd been friends for a couple years,
and I looked up to him and admired him greatly.
He made me laugh like nobody.
He was a strong leader.
And he was serious about his walk with Jesus.

Two weeks later, we were dating.
Apparently, much to my delight, he'd felt the same way about me.

So I've had the pleasure of celebrating this man of mine for 25 years now.
And as I look back at him and us and our family,
I've seen this remarkable boy grow into a man.
I've watched the making of a strong, steady, consistent leader:
a man rich in character and integrity;
a man wise beyond his years;
a man who gives selflessly and without limit;
I see this man who puts in long hours seen by no one but God;
a man whose whole life is about making much of his Savior
and inspiring others to do the same.

He boldly sets the pace for our sons,
showing them what it means to be a godly man.
He shows what it means to love a woman and
how to mirror Christ in revealing his heart.
He teaches them how to extravagantly love people;
to humbly apologize when wrong and graciously forgive when wronged.
He follows hard on the heels of Jesus,
imitating Him so that they can imitate him (1 Corinthians 11:1).

This unflappable man gives me an endless supply of perspective and balance.
He sacrificially gives his life for me,
echoing the way Christ gave His life for His Bride.
Where I'd be prone to live my life by emotion,
he gently speaks Truth into my life and directs my eyes back to Jesus.
He ardently loves and rabidly protects me.
Asked if he loves me?
I'd shout it from the rooftop,
wholeheartedly, unashamedly, without question,
"Yes!"
He shows me everyday,
and I never doubt his undying covenant to me.

So it's easy to see why celebrating the day of his birth is such a much-anticipated holiday around here.
For in Jon---my husband and our boys' dad---God has given us our best earthly gift.
It's with great joy that we honor and celebrate him today---
and cry out joyful exclamations of thanks to God for His amazing, one-of-a-kind creation.
Our lives are forever changed.

Happy Birthday with tons of love, Jonny Mac!

[don't give way to fear]

Sometimes I look at life and feel...
well, overwhelmed.
Left to my own devices and my own flesh,
I can whine about a lengthy (and as I often rationalize, legitimate) list of reasons to fret and fear.
You probably have a list all your own.

I'm thankful that God so personally knows
my heart,
my leanings,
and my weaknesses.
Before I was ever made,
He anticipated the things that would make my heart soar and the things that would send me into a tailspin.
He knew, friends, that we'd be afraid sometimes.

And so He gave us Sarah.
Beautiful, imperfect, faith-filled Sarah.

If ever there was one who related to our fears,
it was her.

Take a look at her life in Genesis 12-23.
She longed for a baby (and that dream seemed hopeless until she was an elderly woman).
She followed her husband to an unknown place (even when his decisions were sometimes less than wise).
Her family dealt with conflict and confrontation (even when following God to the place where He was showing them).

It seems like her list of fears was lengthy.
Giving birth in her nineties?
Scary.
Settling in an unfamiliar place where she knew no one?
Yep, scary, too.
Following, trusting, and submitting to this man she likely felt like throttling at times?
Mmm-hmm.

And yet, she did not allow her fears to control her.
She trusted God.

Peter admonished us in 1 Peter 3 to let our beauty be not only external, but "the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God's sight is very precious.  For this is how the holy women who hoped in God used to adorn themselves, by submitting to their own husbands, as Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him lord.  And you are her children, if you do good and do not fear anything that is frightening."  1 Peter 3:4-6

Scripture says we're Sarah's daughters if we do what is right and don't give way to fear.
I don't know about you,
but that little nugget inspires me.
I'm so glad God included it.
Because it indicates that Sarah was like me.
She knew all about fear.
Yet even when the pieces didn't add up,
even when there were loads of unknowns,
she wasn't paralyzed by fear.
She didn't collapse beneath it.
She trusted God and did what He called her to do.
And we are her daughters if we do the same.

He can be trusted, dear ones.
As we bring our heart-gripping fears before Him in faith,
He replaces them with peace, security, and sweet rest.
He knows just what we need.
And He'll be faithful to strengthen, help, and uphold us no matter what looms ahead.

"Now may the Lord of peace himself give you peace at all times in every way.  

The Lord be with you all."

2 Thessalonians 3:16

{21 years on the 21st}

As the day draws to a close on our 21st anniversary, the realization suddenly struck that we'd taken no pictures to document it.

It wasn't really anything posed.

Just casual,

a little feisty.

Us.

This one is a pretty good snapshot of our marriage:
my man's fun-loving, easy-going, make me laugh always disposition;
my absolute adoration for him.

Husband and wife. Best friends. Soul mates for more than 21 years.
By God's grace, it just keeps getting better and better.

[surprise!]

Sometimes, I'm simply overwhelmed.
Overwhelmed at my husband's love for me.
Overwhelmed at the way
he sacrifices for me,
gives to me,
lays down his life for me.
He reflects Christ's love in a thousand different ways,
and through him,
I've come to better understand the love my Savior has for me.

They love me so good.

As I've eluded in recent weeks,
this month brought with it a milestone birthday:
40
While there were a few days I was lamenting this coming number,
God had done a work in my heart
and given me joy and perspective.
And as I've said before,
I want to gladly welcome and embrace each year,
knowing it's a gift from Him,
not meant to be despised or squandered.

With that said, my husband had told me to reserve Saturday (the day before my birthday) for him.
I gathered that he had a little something up his sleeve,
but I didn't know what.

Have I mentioned I LOVE surprises?
But despite my husband's best efforts to pull them off in the past, they've always been discovered prematurely.

So needless to say, I suspected nothing when Thursday night brought with it date night.
Life has been hectic and busy lately,
and dinner---just the two of us---sounded exceedingly blissful.

First, he suggested we drive along the lake
(despite the fact it was gray and nightfall was coming).
Then he took me to Starbucks for fall drinks
(despite the fact I was starving and was more than ready to just go eat).
"We're always in such a hurry," he said.
"Let's just take our time and linger."
And so we did.
Heart-connecting conversation and an unhurried pace was just what my heart needed.

But then I was ready to go eat.
As I began walking toward our car,
he grabbed my hand and said,
"Let's go for a walk."
I tried to resist.
"A walk?  It's cold out here!  And I'm hungry!"
"Just a short one," he insisted.
"Let's just take it all in."

And so we walked.
We hadn't gone far when we ran into dear friends.
Initially, I thought it was coincidence.
But as we momentarily stopped to chat with them,
I looked a bit further down the sidewalk and saw more little huddles making their way toward us.

Every few feet,
we were greeted by friends and loved ones.
From all sides they came:
out from the trees, down the hill,
lining the sidewalk.
I'm certain I would have been a heap on the ground had my husband not been holding me up.
Loved one after loved one came,
and I sobbed like a baby.
All week, I've been replaying the scene in my heart and mind.
There simply aren't words for it.
But that wasn't all.

I made my way into the beautifully autumn-adorned shelter---lovingly decorated by precious friends who know and love me so well---and there, before me, was a sight I'll never forget:
faraway friends who had flown in and driven hours to be part of the celebration:
my heart and soul, friend, Clare, with her beautiful girls;
two of our "girls" from our first youth group in Ohio;
and a dear friend from the Chicago area who has been an "older woman" to me for so many years---
all present to help make this the surprise of the century!

Every detail was picture perfect.
One friend giddily said,
"Can you believe it?  It's so you!"
I couldn't agree more--- tables of delicious autumn appetizers and sweets and a gorgeous pumpkin birthday cake with cinnamon frosting.
The warm glow of candles lit each table, and pictures from the distant past and present graced each one.
My husband put together a beautifully moving video of the first 40 years (which included video greetings from friends).
And my Clare assembled a scrapbook of letters from family and friends.
I'm still working my way through it.
Like I said, sometimes I'm just overwhelmed.

It's a week later, and I'm still soaking in and processing all the love in that room.
My husband's heart for me overwhelms me, and he certainly pulled off a surprise like no other.
As I've told many of my friends, my greatest, most treasured gift is being surrounded by all those I love.
I'm awed and humbled that God would give me the absolute joy and pleasure of walking through life with so many amazing people.
My life is much fuller, so much richer because of them, and through them I experience His abundant goodness and grace.

40 is not so very bad.
In fact, I'm quite certain I like it.

Below is a 6-minute video that was taken by our firstborn as the surprise was unfolding outside.  It's near the tail end of our walk (what you don't see is the herd of people---160 of them---behind me and inside).  The first 3/4ths of the video is dark and difficult to see (but our son gives pretty good commentary if you're willing to hang in there), and then the last bit shows the surprise awaiting me inside the shelter.  Enjoy!

[the dripping of rain]

We've begun some long-anticipated home improvement projects at our house.
The first, it seemed, was simple enough:
transform a small utility closet into a small half bath.
Easy enough, right?
Electrician brother?  Check.
Friend plumber?  Check.
Friend builder?  Check.
Use leftover tiles from our kitchen remodel,
throw in a toilet and a pedestal sink.
Voila!
I'm thinking one week,
two weeks tops.

But these home improvement projects are never as simple as we think, are they?
As my husband began removing plaster,
he discovered rotten wood beneath.
Long story short,
rain had been leaking into our home via an upstairs airing porch for years.
It ran down the inside of that outer wall, undetected,
and began wreaking havoc behind the scenes.

My husband has been hard-at-work to remedy the situation:
tearing down the old porch,
ripping out and replacing old wood.
And despite my initial frustration about the
added work, expense, and delay,
God has been using it to bring a picture into detailed focus.
Proverbs 19:13-14...

A foolish son is ruin to his father,
    and a wife's quarreling is a continual dripping of rain.
¹⁴ House and wealth are inherited from fathers,
    but a prudent wife is from the Lord.

Ouch.

God says that the nagging and quarreling of a wife---

of me---

is like a constant dripping of rain.

Drip, drip, drip, drip, drip, drip...

Annoying.

Some might even say that after a while,

they no longer hear the drip.

They've tuned it out,

yet nothing has changed.

There's still that 

drip, drip, drip, drip, drip, drip.

And it's wreaking havoc.

The structure is softening, rotting, disintegrating.

Oh, friends:  this is a picture of our negative words, nagging, and quarreling upon our husbands..

Negative word upon negative word

breaks down.

Tears down.

Eats away and destroys.

Conversely,

wisdom builds.

It loves.

Supports.

Prays.

It thinks before opening its mouth

and waits.

It respects

and gives

and forgives.

It extends grace.

And this wisdom, says Proverbs---this woman who gives careful thought to her words and their effect---is a gift from the Lord.  

Oh, I don't want to be like the annoying drip of rain

that eventually has ugly long-term ramifications

like the undetected drip of rain in our home.

Admittedly, my heart settles for that far too often.

Intent upon my way and my plan 

(and oblivious to the damage out of sight),

I nag. And complain. And mutter a heart of ungratefulness.

Oh, that God would take control of my heart and my mouth;

that He'd use it to encourage and bless my husband---

and our sons.

I long to be a perpetual fountain of joy

that brings refreshment to the hearts of all those in my path

and reflects the One who lives within me.

How about you, reading friend?

What kind of effect are your words having upon the ones you hold dear?

[contemplating the empty nest]

The empty nest.
It conjures up all kinds of feelings and emotions.
While I generally don't make it a practice to write about things I've not yet lived or experienced,
I hope you'll extend me grace as I project myself a few years down the road and contemplate what's to come.

Our own empty nest isn't imminent.

With our oldest son about to begin his senior year of high school and our youngest preparing for 8th grade, we have a few years till our nest will indeed be empty.

And while I've openly shared my own heart's growing pains as we move through this new season of preparing to launch our firstborn (and each successive son who will follow soon after),

I can say with honesty and confidence:

I'm not afraid of the empty nest.

Yes, there will be tears
(likely more than I know).

Yes, we will miss our sons.

Yes, we'll awkwardly struggle to find a new normal.

But I'm not afraid.

You see, once upon a time---

nearly 21 years ago---

I stood face to face with my handsome groom.

Before God and a whole host of loved ones,

we made vows to one another.
We covenanted to love and remain faithful to one another,
no matter what.
Before I became our boys' mom,
I became Jon's wife.

And throughout our newlywed days
and blissful days and young parent days
and frazzled days and hard days and good days
and crazy days and changing days,
we---by God's grace---have continued to build and invest in our relationship.
Sometimes we've done it better than others.
But to this day,
Jon is still my best friend in the world;
the one who knows me better than anybody;
the one for whom my heart beats and longs and rejoices.

I've often stated that I'm thankful for bold, strong friends a bit ahead of me in the parenting journey.
They have modeled joy and contentment and fulfillment as the nest empties.
It's not because they don't love their kids.
It's not that they don't miss them.
But they've wisely planned and prepared.
They've invested in one another and their relationship even when their kids were small;
even when schedules made it more of a challenge than it once was;
even when those around them had settled into a bitter mediocrity.
It took careful time and planning.
But they remembered that, even after the kids were gone,
the two of them would remain.
And they made sure that when that time came,
they still both knew and liked each other.

Dear fellow mamas, no matter whether you're just beginning the parenting journey or have been at it for quite some time, do not neglect to prioritize time and build your relationship with your husband.
You might think it's not a big deal right now.
You might think you'll tend to it later when there's more time.
But I implore you:
do it now.
Make time.
Date one another.
Talk to one another.
Encourage one another.
Pray for one another.
May our prioritization and our commitment to building strong marriages not only give our kids a sense of security,
but may they point our kids and a watching world to the unconditional, faithful love of Christ for His Church.

Once upon a time...

Once upon a time, God created this little guy with a ready smile and a sparkle in his eye.
He had the uncanny ability to love people and leave a wake of joy wherever he went.

Meanwhile, unbeknownst to him, a little girl out there was twirling around
in pretty dresses, playing house, and dreaming dreams. 

Years passed.
The little boy and little girl grew up
(at least a little).
They developed interests and gifts and passions.
They began pursuing a close walk with the One who had made them,
desiring Him to have His way in them.
And eventually, He brought them together.
He built something between them.
It was love.  Deep and powerful and strong.
It would be the means by which He showed them
more about who He is and what He is like.
It would be the way He taught them to
give and sacrifice and forgive---
and do it all over again the next day.

God used the guy to change the girl's life.
For the better.
Forever.
And the girl is overwhelmed that the dreams of her childhood---
every single one of them---
have been fulfilled and exceeded through the wonderful grace of Jesus.
He gave her this guy.

And these guys.

And she is forever blessed.

Happy Birthday with all my love, Jonny!  XOXO

Over-the-top blessed

giddy

overjoyed

grateful

to love and be loved by this remarkable man.

Today and everyday,

I thank God for giving me a snapshot of His love through my husband.

Happy Valentine's Day, Jonny!

XOXO

[doing him good inspiration]

You know your best guy better than anyone on earth.
You know what would speak to his heart
and what he'd find kind of lame.
You know what would bless and encourage him
and what really doesn't matter all that much.

Sometimes, though, we all need some fresh ideas and inspiration. 
Keeping YOUR guy in mind,
here are some ideas to spark creativity this Valentine's Day and beyond.
Tweak them.
Personalize them.
Invest in and take joy doing your husband good 365 days a year.

[doing your husband good - ideas]

his heart safely trusts

You've been looking forward to it for weeks.
Finally, a needed, much-anticipated night with the girlfriends!
The ease of being with them warms your heart.
You're comfortable.
Safe.
Loved.
They understand you.
They get you.
The laughter rings loudly and often.
You take it all in.
It's water to your soul.

What do you talk about, dear one?
"Well, anything and everything," you say.
That's the beauty of true friends:
the ability to talk about things that matter
and things that don't;
stuff that makes you laugh
and stuff that makes you cry;
who you are and who you wanna be.

Can I offer a suggestion, though?
In a world where husband-bashing is popular---
where TV shows are often set on making the men look incompetent and foolish---
where it feels good to get stuff off our chests---
make it your policy,
your commitment,
your mission
to never speak negatively about your husband with your girlfriends
(or your mom either, for that matter.  No one). 

What are the words that spring from your mouth when you're sitting around with the girls?
Are they words of criticism?
Or can the heart of your husband safely trust in you (Proverbs 31:11),
knowing that the words you speak will be words of
life?
thankfulness?
praise?

God could use you to be the agent of change in your circle, dear one.
Rather than your times with the girlfriends looking like the world's (where it's fashionable and expected to complain about the husbands back home),
actively determine to honor your husband,
to bubble over with the love you have for him,
to show respect and appreciation for him. 
I guarantee it will alter the heart of your gatherings
as you actively choose to bring honor and do good to the man God has given you, all the days of your life (see Proverbs 31:12).

A Good Marriage

"A good marriage is the union of two forgivers."

~ Ruth Graham

[i *get* to]

"Two are better than one, because they have a good reward for their toil.  For if they fall, one will lift up his fellow.  But woe to him who is alone when he falls and has not another to lift him up!  Again, if two lie down together, they keep warm,  but how can one keep warm alone?  And though a man might prevail against one who is alone, two will withstand him---a threefold cord is not quickly broken."  Ecclesiastes 4:9-12

Hey, married friends! 
When was the last time you thought of your husband with the perspective, "I get to..."

You...you and you alone...are the only one who gets to enjoy this exclusive, sacred, one-of-a-kind relationship with your husband.  No one else on earth has the privilege that is all yours.

Do you view it that way?

Those three little words "I get to" can be a paradigm shift in our thinking.

• I get to wake up beside him and fall asleep in the warmth of his presence.
• I get to look through the window into his heart.
• I get to see him actively living what he teaches.
• I get to clean his whiskers out of the sink (ok, this one has taken some work)  ;)
• I get to encourage him and strengthen his hand in God.
• I get to pray with him and for him.
• I get to prepare meals for him that nourish his body & soul.
• I get to be his biggest fan and cheerleader.
• I get to exchange knowing glances with him from across the room as we remember an inside joke.
• I get to know his preferences and plan for him.
• I get to share his joys and sorrows.
• I get to offer him another perspective.
• I get to join hands with him in following Jesus together.
• I get to praise and affirm him.
• I get to make a haven of refuge for him. 
• I get to partner with him in raising our sons and
• training them in righteousness.
• I get to hear his heart's deepest longings.
• I get to delight in cherishing and enjoying him.
• I get to be the one he returns home to every night.

What glad privileges are all yours simply because he's yours? 

Let him know today that you delight in "getting to!"

[prize him]

"Older women...train the young women to love their husbands..."

Titus 2:4

We seem to have time for everything we deem as important, don't we?

• haircuts
• manicures
• night out with the girls
• time at the gym
• "down" time for ourselves

 But when was the last time you scheduled time alone with your husband?

Oh, we have lots of excuses:

• Lack of money
• Lack of time
• Demands of small children
• Kids' outside commitments
• Tiredness
• Simply assuming he will do it (and waiting for him to do so---I'm guilty, by the way)

The truth is, the perfect time doesn't come along very often.  Unless we're intentional and plan for it, time alone with our husbands won't happen.  While we may find ourselves in a crazy season of parenting little ones who are dependent upon us for their every need---or parenting teenage night owls whose schedule adds a whole new interesting dynamic to the family---we must not simply let the days tick by, hoping and assuming our husband knows that he is our #1 earthly relationship.

The wise woman remembers she will begin and end as a wife.

~ Charlie Shedd

Take it to heart, dear one.  That one with whom you made a covenant before God was there before those children arrived.  And by God's grace, when the children have flown away and the nest is empty, it will be just the two of you again.  Are you investing these days in being friends and building your relationship so that one day when you're left alone, you'll not be strangers?

How do we intentionally invest in one another in our current season?

Early bedtimes were a gift to us in the season of parenting young ones!  Our boys now laugh about how they'd be in bed at 7:30 during the summer, looking yearningly out the window at their friends playing outside.  Now, that may be a bit of an exagerration (I think it was more like 8pm), but the point is, their early bedtimes allowed us to have a quiet evening together.  Finances didn't always make it possible to go out, but those "at-home" dates were needed and treasured.  Sometimes we'd play Scrabble.  Other times we'd watch a movie.  Once in a while we'd order a pizza or calzone (and more than once got busted by inquiring noses who wandered back down the stairs---they were convinced we'd say to one another, "The boys are in bed!  Let's order pizza!").  Sometimes I'd feed the boys dinner at the usual time and wait until they were in bed to make a romantic dinner for two. 

While the at-home dates were always appreciated, there were times this girl simply needed to get out of the house. Surrounded by a glaring "to-do" list, it was sometimes difficult for me to unwind during at-home dates, knowing that there was a full laundry basket staring back at me. So then what?  Swap childcare with another couple.  There are a lot of couples who are eager and chomping at the bit to enjoy a date with their spouse, but childcare is an issue.  Take turns watching each other's kids while the other couple goes out. 

Dates don't have to be an expensive sit-down dinner in a fancy-schmancy restaurant.

• Pick up cheap coffee (or brew your own) and take it to the lake
• Stroll the aisles and dream at your local home improvement store
• If you're inclined to do so, go for a run together
• Take a picnic to the park
• Go out for ice cream or dessert
• Go for a bike ride
• Take a drive to the country with the windows down
• Enjoy morning coffee together on your front porch (or couch)
• Slow dance in the kitchen
• Go out for breakfast

And every once in a while, do it big.  Plan.  Scrimp.  Save---whatever you have to do to make it possible to steal away for a night or two.  Your marriage will be refreshed and encouraged and your children will see parents who are feeding and nurturing their relationship.  What security it gives them to see parents who love and enjoy one another!

What ways have you found to invest time in your beloved?

Let's take delight in loving and planning for our husbands!

Ten Thousand Faults

"He who grows in grace remembers that he is but dust, and he therefore does not expect his fellow Christians to be anything more.  He overlooks ten thousand of their faults, because he knows his God overlooks twenty thousand in his own case.  He does not expect perfection in the creature, and, therefore, he is not disappointed when he does not find it." ~ Charles Spurgeon

20 years later...[I still do]

"The Lord has done great things for us,

and we are filled with joy."

Psalm 126:3