on the morn he leaves home...

The rest of my house still lays quiet.
The sun is not yet up.
I, myself, had planned to sleep in a bit today.
But God woke me earlier than planned.
And as I lay in the dark on the morn that we take our second-born son to college, my heart flooded with a thousand moments and memories.
My mind went back to when he sucked on his fingers backwards and lived in his cowboy boots, hat, and bandana;
when he was enamored with Toy Story Woody and playing a guitar and animals of every kind.

But then this happened.
Little by little,
one step after another,
he grew up.
In wisdom.
In stature.
And in favor with God and man.

This bold, brave son
with steadiness and loyalty of heart.
He's solid and consistent and rich in character.
And most of all, his heart's desire is to know and love Jesus more and more.

The memories gave way to prayer this early morning.
As the tears slipped down my cheeks,
I found myself just crying out to God in thanks:
thanks for the unspeakable joy and privilege of being Ry's mom.
As I told Jon last night, I can't imagine this house without him.
He brings us so much joy and delight.
But though my heart aches so deeply,
there's excitement in sharing this remarkable young man with the world,
knowing that God goes before Him and hems him in before and behind;
knowing that He's been preparing him to lead and serve and take initiative and do hard things;
knowing that Ryan's amazing life is going to be used to shine a light on the gospel and make much of Jesus.

Ryan, we love you with all our hearts.
God is the strength of our hearts and our portion forever.

Father God, may Ryan "love what is good, be self-controlled, upright, holy, and disciplined.  May he hold firmly to the trustworthy message as it has been taught, so that he can encourage others by sound doctrine and refute those who oppose it." (from Titus 1:8-9)

This Year

i just wanna celebrate {grad party}

I love a party.
So it probably comes as no surprise that I've been planning our firstborn son's graduation party for a while.
Now, when I say "while," I mean a loooooong time!
I vividly remember driving away from grad parties in years gone by.
Turning around to three little boy faces behind me,
I'd eagerly ask,
"So, boys, have you thought about what you'd like to serve at your graduation parties yet?"
To which firstborn son replied,
"Mom.  I'm 8."
Hence, this is what they put up with:
a slightly neurotic, sometimes overly zealous mom who simply wants to celebrate God's gracious hand in the lives of her family!

I had a blast putting together our son's grad party.
It didn't feel like work,
as it was so much my heart.
As his plans are to one day become a worship pastor,
I wanted to bring a music theme into the party.
I had a bunch of old cds to work with,
so I found a way to upcycle them for decorations.
Our son doesn't really care for cake,
so I opted for a cookie bar.

A sweet time of prayer before the festivities got underway

Many friends helped make this happen by offering their help and services.
Several of the same friends offered to serve and keep the food flowing throughout the party so that I could greet our guests.  My heart & soul friend even traveled all the way from Minnesota to serve and simply be here for me.
There are no words.
While the tears never fell at the actual graduation ceremony,
they flowed freely this weekend at the party.
Being surrounded by all those who have poured into and invested in our son was humbling and overwhelming (in a good way).
Seeing and feeling all the love and support they have for him and our family filled my heart to overflowing.
What a joy to celebrate God's abundant, never-ending grace!

I saved each of our boys' outfits from their 3-month pictures.  At the time, I didn't know why.  But it sure was sweet to dig into my mementos and pull this one out for our party.  

Collage posters are the mom of a graduate's best friend!

Old cds made into graduation decor

Shutterfly books:  one featuring friends, the other family

Inexpensive (almost free) centerpieces:  I planted grass in old tin cans, wrapped them in scrapbook paper, and added a cd picture pick.

I transformed one of our old doors that was laying around the house into a chalkboard.  It made the perfect menu board.  

Cookie bar

Oh, one more thing.  Sunday afternoon, the day after the party, we sat around our table eating leftover carnitas for lunch.  Good-naturedly, I started quizzing our middle son (who graduates in two years) about his graduation menu. You'll be happy to know we've got a menu.  Now to dream about pulling it off...

{no greater joy}

Sometimes no words are needed.

The pictures say it all.

(did I mention my husband was giving the commencement address?)

I have no greater joy than to hear that my children are walking in the truth.

3 John 1:4

{snapshots}

"Journal it," she said.  "Take notes, tuck it all away: how you feel, what you're thinking."

That was a dear friend's advice as May dawned.  Hugging me at the first "senior" festivity of many this month, she spoke with wisdom.  She'd been down this road before...twice.  She knew the joy, the angst, the pride, the dread, the thankfulness---all rolled up into one unpredictable, sometimes confusing tangled mass of emotions.

So here are some of the snapshots I've tucked away this month. With our firstborn's graduation just 2 days away, my heart is  overflowing as I reflect on so many precious moments...

"Salute to Seniors."  After hosting and participating in this annual event at our church for so many years, this year was intensely personal.  Spying our son practicing with the worship team before it started, the realization hit hard.  He's graduating.  

Making music with his friend as he's done sooo many times before.  These two go waaaay back.  Toothless smiles, birthday parties, and baseball games flashed through my mind as I watched them jam together once again.  Oh, I'm so thankful for the enduring, godly friendships God has provided our son throughout these years.

Mother's Day.  I've always treasured it, but all the more this year.  Having my sons near is a gift I've so often taken for granted.  But not this year.  I breathed in and inhaled them.  I recognized that I may not be enveloped in the embrace of all our sons next year.  Perhaps our oldest won't be able to make it home.  Oh, and I've discovered I take delight in being the shortest one in the family with these strong, mighty oaks towering above me.  I marvel at the way God is growing them inside and out.

His band's gig.  Our boys are all so different---gifted and talented in varying ways.  Our firstborn is the only musical one among them.  As a matter of fact, that's one of the things I'll miss most when he goes to college:  the absence of live music in our home. He and his friends formed a band in Jr. High.  Through frequent name changes, its message remained the same.    I felt that this particular concert was a special gift just for me.  In a month of almost constant running, it felt good to pause and be still; to worship along with this boy-grown-man.

Spring Pops Concert.  His last concert.  Surreal. Our son had told me months ago that the concert chorale would be singing Switchfoot's "Only Hope" at their spring concert.  As they sang this song of declaration to God, I sang along in my heart:  

And I lay my head back down

And I lift my hands and pray

To be only Yours

I pray to be only Yours

I know now You're my only hope

Capstone.  It's a long-standing tradition at our sons' high school that a requirement of one's senior year is to do a Capstone project.  Students research a social or cultural issue of their choice, conduct interviews, participate in field work, write a 12-page paper, and then present their findings for a defense panel.  Finally, after all this, we celebrate (and finally breathe) at the long-awaited Capstone celebration.  As our son desires to be a worship pastor one day, he chose to explore "The Worship War," examining both traditional and contemporary worship.  I was struck by his maturity, passion, and wisdom.  I watched him interact with spectators at his booth, confidently (yet humbly) answering questions, respecting viewpoints, looking adults in the eye, and sharing his heart for worship.  Really?  I get to be this guy's mom?  Sometimes it still floors me.

Night of Recognition.  It was the presentation of scholarships and awards---a fun night of celebration.  As I sat there, God gave me a nudge.  He confirmed in my heart that our son really is ready for this new season.  So often I view (and treat) him as my little boy of yesterday.  My eyes truly have been opened this month.  He's wise and steady; a man of integrity and virtue.  I marvel at the work God is doing in him and the ways it's so clearly evident by the fruit in his life.  

Night after night this week, we've enjoyed late night heart to heart talks with our son.  Just the three of us.  I hadn't expected that.  It's been an extraordinary gift.  Grace.  I also hadn't expected the tears that threaten nowhere at the craziest moments.  Like tonight in the grocery store.  I was shopping for items to pack for the boys' lunches tomorrow.  And it suddenly hit that it's the last school  lunch I'll ever pack for our son.  Pushing my cart through the dairy section of the grocery store, the tears slipped down my cheeks.  Yet as God imprinted on my heart many times and in many ways this month, all is grace.  I'm welcoming the moments, rejoicing in breathing and loving and aching, all evidences of grace.

"Don't grieve that it's gone, wonder that it was.

Laugh that you lived and dance that you dared.

Inhale that it happened---and it was grace."

~ Ann Voskamp

{journey's end}

Our "baby's" graduation from 8th grade

Our homeschool journey came to an end this week.
And, by God's grace, a new journey begins.

My heart is full.
And somewhat (ok, a lot) tender.
And thankful.
After 13 years of homeschooling,
I'm pretty sure I learned more than our boys did.
God used our boys grown into men to change me;
to shine a bright light on my own pride, selfishness, and sin.
He used them to humble me and teach me.
They showed me grace and forgiveness when I lost my temper.
Being responsible for their schooling made me realize I didn't know as much as I thought I did.
And it made me cast myself upon God's mercy,
knowing I didn't have what it took to teach them well.
I needed Him.
Oh, how I needed Him!

Now, standing on the other side of the homeschool journey
there's no way to express the thankfulness of heart I feel.
I'm filled with unrestrained joy at the remembrance of all we've shared---
all we've learned and experienced together.
And I'm confident that as we transition into a new season---
hoping, releasing, launching, trusting---
and needing our Father God as much as ever---
He will continue the work He started in each of us.
In that promise I rest and rejoice.

2012, the year of...

13, 16, 18, 40.

Four special milestones,

four special gifts 

from a faithful, unchanging God.

Father's Day 2012

"Be imitators of me, as I am of Christ."

1 Corinthians 11:1

Oh, how my heart rejoices in the legacy of faithfulness we've been given---faithfulness both to our God and to our family.  I'm thankful that through these remarkable men we're blessed to call "Dad," our boys and me are getting a clearer picture of God's love.  I'm thankful for these humble men who love large and model a heart that beats for Christ alone.

This Father's Day and always, we're incredibly grateful.

[blessed]

She had her and she had me.
These are the women I come from.

And I had them:

These are the sons that grew beneath my heart; the ones who still walk around with my heart wherever they go.

And I have him.

This is my love, my soul mate, my best friend; the one with whom I get to share life, even "after all those years."

Blessed. 

Strength and dignity are her clothing,

and she laughs at the time to come.

Proverbs 31:25