Year-End Reflections

It's generally around Thanksgiving time that I begin reflecting on the previous year and prayerfully considering what it was that God was doing in my heart and life over the previous 12 months.

A few years ago, it was easy. Throughout our journey of secondary infertility, God used the ongoing pain and the questions and the doubts to press me into Him and remind me of His faithfulness. Though at the time it was the most heart-wrenching experience of my life, God used it for our good and His glory. No, He didn't give us another child...but He gave us joy and contentment and complete satisfaction in Him. I thank Him for Blessings, Trials, and God's Grace...

As we closed out last year, the theme resounding in my heart was Surrender. Though I rebelliously dug my heels into the ground and insisted upon my own way, God continued tilling up the soil of my heart. He broke me and refined me and purified me. He lifted my eyes off of myself till I saw only Him...

As this November rolled around and I started pondering how God had changed me this year, I kind of drew a blank. Oh, it's often easy to see God at work in the midst of trials...but this has been a relatively "carefree" year. How had I grown this year? The answer wasn't immediately noticeable. My heart began to panic.

"Oh, God...don't let me end this year the same as I started."

But then God lovingly reminded me of how He'd been actively working in my heart. Though there weren't any "major" trials, He was at work in the everyday moments of life. He impressed on me the over-arching theme "Abiding in Him."

Oh, I blow it so many times. I react to my circumstances and respond in a way that exalts myself, rather than my Maker. I'm selfish and impatient and prideful and arrogant...yet, while I fail, He does not.

Throughout seemingly ordinary days and events, God is teaching me that I can't do a thing without Him. And throughout frightening, uncertain times, He's showing me that He is my refuge...my shelter...my home. He's teaching me what it means to be hidden in Him.

As a new year is about to dawn, I'm filled with such excitement and longing. It's not about stuff or events or material gain. I want as never before for God to capture my heart and life. I want to release to Him those areas that I try to horde for myself...those areas that I think don't really matter. I want Him to radically change my heart and conform me to His image.

Oh, God...this new year is Yours. May I wisely invest each day...each moment...for Your fame.

"Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ! According to His great mercy, He has caused us to be born again to a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead, to an inheritance that is imperishable, undefiled, and unfading, kept in heaven for you, who by God's power are being guarded through faith for a salvation ready to be revealed in the last time. In this you rejoice, though now for a little while, as was necessary, you have been grieved by various trials, so that the tested genuineness of your faith---more precious than gold that perishes though it is tested by fire---may be found to result in praise and glory and honor at the revelation of Jesus Christ. Though you have not seen Him, you love Him. Though you do not now see Him, you believe in Him and rejoice with joy that is inexpressible and filled with glory, obtaining the outcome of your faith, the salvation of your souls." 1 Peter 1:3-9