Fifteen

The past couple of months have been some of the most stretching and challenging months of my life. They haven't been bad, mind you. Rather, I'd define them as eye-opening. convicting. inspiring.

Oh, and sometimes painful.

Much of the growth, the pain, and the change of recent months has come through the avenue of our oldest son. I'm regularly mindful of all that God is teaching me through each one of our boys. But God has used my firstborn, in particular, to teach and reveal some important, life-changing lessons and truths this fall.

My eyes have been opened to the remarkable young man he is.

As I've shared before, after being homeschooled his entire life, our son entered a large public high school this fall. And you know what? I see him. I really see him. I see the ways he's embraced change. I see his quiet confidence and strength. I see his gifts coming to light. I see his fun-loving personality influencing friends. As I told him one day, I want to be like him when I grow up. *grin*

I've been convicted by my lack of faith and trust.

As our son well knows, there have been times throughout these autumn days when my heart has been in conflict. On one hand, wanting to equip him and motivate him for the challenges and new experiences he faces. On the other hand, not wanting him to fall; believing he needs his mom right there for everything he faces (I know, I know...). What a war has raged within my heart. While I'm prone (and fight the tendency) to be a "helicopter mom," our son has displayed faith and trust in his Father God. And more than once, God has used him to convict me and show me where I'm weak. He's used all my guys to direct my eyes to Him (again and again and again).

I've been inspired through our son's life.

Our son ran cross country this fall. When I picked him up from a meet one day, he casually mentioned how he'd shared his ipod with a friend (forewarning him that it was all Christian music). The friend loved the music and claimed he was going to go home and download some of it for himself. I'm inspired by our son's boldness. He also shared how he was praying for this same friend, that God will give him opportunities to share Christ with him. I'm inspired by his heart for others to know his Savior. In English class, he unashamedly wrote about the faith and ministry of William Booth (of the Salvation Army). I'm inspired by his courage to take advantage of such writing opportunities, even when he could have written about anything else.

Today, this son of my heart turns 15. This birthday seems big, somehow. And my heart feels particularly tender as I reflect on his life and remember all our yesterdays. But as much as I love to look back and remember, I'm feeling overwhelmingly joyful as I consider how God is using our son today in the here and now. And as I tell him regularly, I'm confident that God has big plans for him. God is going to continue to use his life to impact countless others and bring honor and glory to Jesus Christ.

Drew, we're alike in so many ways. But I think I've discovered these months that we're different in many ways, too. It's those differences that cause me to marvel at God's grace. I look at you and see a young man whom I've truly grown to admire and respect.


It is my heart's great joy to love you; to hear that amazing word, "Mom," proceed from your lips. As you continue to grow and mature into a man, I consider it a privilege that I get an up-close seat. I'm so thankful to watch you, learn with you, grow with you, and follow Christ together.



I love you so much, Drew. Happy 15th Birthday ~

Mom