Thank You for Change

As much as I've talked (or ranted or complained) about change here in my little corner of Blogland, God is faithful.  While He's been at work on this stubborn heart of mine for quite some time, I've often been unwilling to budge and give Him the freedom to have His way in me.  I've resisted.  I've fought hard against new seasons.  Oh, I'm so thankful He doesn't give up on me! 

Several months ago, I was contacted about speaking at our church's homeschool group in October.  Within days of that request, I received another request to speak at our young moms' group last Friday.  Now, those of you who know me in real life KNOW that this is SO NOT ME.  My husband is the up-front guy. 

I'm a background person. 

Support person. 
Comfortable-being-unseen person.
I like it that way.
I write here at my keyboard, safe and cocooned. 
That's about as "out there" as I get. 

Yet in the midst of our role transition of these past months, I couldn't help but notice that God presented me with two requests to speak. 

My first instinct was to turn them down cold. 
Resist. 
Plead busyness. 
Ineptness. 
A case of the measles. 
Anything. 

But as I prayed about it, I couldn't help but strongly sense it was of God. 
A God who loves me.
Sees me.
Knows what's best for me.

I couldn't do it.  And that's exactly where He wanted me:  a place of utter dependence, not on my own ability, but on His alone.  I remember crying out, "God, I so can't do this!  This isn't me.  This isn't my gift!  You're going to have to do it!"  I think I'm finding He delights in those prayers.  So much of my life, I've rested and relied on my own abilities or strengths.  How our Father longs to knock us out flat before Him, crying, "God!  I've got nothing!  Use me!" 

And so, yes, I've most often struggled with change and new seasons.  I've bucked.  But I'm discovering gracious reminders that He doesn't send us off into new seasons or uncharted waters without His presence and a plan.  I see little glimmers of hope all around me.

These current months are still very much a time of transition.  We still often find ourselves with one foot in youth ministry and the other in adult ministry.  And sometimes I'm afraid to let go; to make that final leap.  Last night as my husband and I returned home after a full day, we began recounting recent days.  As I recalled my time with the "young moms" on Friday, tears filled my eyes, for God used that out-of-my-comfort-zone morning to give me a vision and a hope; a reminder that "...the God who has been sufficient until now should be trusted to the end." ~ Charles Spurgeon

And I'm thankful.
Thankful for change.