It wasn't intended to be a guilt trip. Really.
But after periodically mentioning our school plans over the past few weeks, and receiving groans from all three of our boys each time, I was frustrated. I casually mentioned one day last week, "It would be nice if you could show a little enthusiasm about the new school year."
The truth is, I know that it's not unusual or uncommon for 13, 11, and 9 year old boys to grudgingly say farewell to summer, whether homeschooled or not. The problem was...and I believe herein was the source of my frustration...that I wasn't really excited about the new school year either. When our sons were very young, homeschooling seemed a whole lot simpler. Teach 'em to read? Check! Teach 'em to add? Got that, too! They snuggled with me on the couch as we read together. We went on frequent field trips. It was simple...easy. Or perhaps it's just that I now stand on the other side, looking back through rose-colored glasses.
These days, as Algebra and research papers loom on the horizon, the task before me seems bigger...harder...more significant; like the stuff I mess up on today is going to have longer-lasting and further-reaching consequences than my mess-ups when they were five. As our oldest son stands only one year away from high school, I'm regularly taking inventory of where he is compared to where he "should be." As his schedule fills up with more outside activities and we seek to provide wise balance for him and his brothers, I'm feeling a whole new weight of responsibility.
But more than the academics, we're seeking to be tuned into their character and their spiritual growth. Obviously, we can't MAKE any of these things happen, but we can prayerfully keep a spiritual pulse for where they're at. Do they have a sensitivity to the Holy Spirit? Are they humbly walking with Christ? Are they learning what it means to be a servant? Do they speak truthfully? Are they showing grace to one another? And the questions go on and on...
In my flesh, it all seems daunting. I feel inadequate...unfit...ill-prepared.
But when I lift my eyes off myself...when I remind myself of the TRUTH of God's Word, rather than listening to my human fears and doubts, my heart soars! Oh, our boys are far from perfect; they're dirty rotten sinners like their dad and me. But through those places where I feel I've dropped the ball in their academics; through the "should-have-done-it-that-way-instead" moments, God has reminded me that we are providing our boys with a firm foundation. One of our great desires when we began homeschooling 8 years ago was that our boys would be well-grounded in their faith. And though there are times I doubt and question my own abilities, I can't question God's ability through me. He is doing far more in our boys than I could every dream up. And as I'm faithful to be obedient to what He's called me to do, I can trust Him with the results.
On the afternoon following my little admonishment to our boys last week, I went to church to work on a few projects. When I returned home, I was greeted by the handiwork of our youngest son. He'd painstakingly made a huge banner that stretched across our livingroom. He'd taped together numerous sheets of paper and, in his sweet 9-year-old writing, written the simple words: "School Is Coming!!!" [emphasis his]
And as I pulled him to me and snuggled him in my arms, my heart smiled. Yep, school is coming. And the God who calls me is faithful; He will surely do it. (1 Thessalonians 5:24
But after periodically mentioning our school plans over the past few weeks, and receiving groans from all three of our boys each time, I was frustrated. I casually mentioned one day last week, "It would be nice if you could show a little enthusiasm about the new school year."
The truth is, I know that it's not unusual or uncommon for 13, 11, and 9 year old boys to grudgingly say farewell to summer, whether homeschooled or not. The problem was...and I believe herein was the source of my frustration...that I wasn't really excited about the new school year either. When our sons were very young, homeschooling seemed a whole lot simpler. Teach 'em to read? Check! Teach 'em to add? Got that, too! They snuggled with me on the couch as we read together. We went on frequent field trips. It was simple...easy. Or perhaps it's just that I now stand on the other side, looking back through rose-colored glasses.
These days, as Algebra and research papers loom on the horizon, the task before me seems bigger...harder...more significant; like the stuff I mess up on today is going to have longer-lasting and further-reaching consequences than my mess-ups when they were five. As our oldest son stands only one year away from high school, I'm regularly taking inventory of where he is compared to where he "should be." As his schedule fills up with more outside activities and we seek to provide wise balance for him and his brothers, I'm feeling a whole new weight of responsibility.
But more than the academics, we're seeking to be tuned into their character and their spiritual growth. Obviously, we can't MAKE any of these things happen, but we can prayerfully keep a spiritual pulse for where they're at. Do they have a sensitivity to the Holy Spirit? Are they humbly walking with Christ? Are they learning what it means to be a servant? Do they speak truthfully? Are they showing grace to one another? And the questions go on and on...
In my flesh, it all seems daunting. I feel inadequate...unfit...ill-prepared.
But when I lift my eyes off myself...when I remind myself of the TRUTH of God's Word, rather than listening to my human fears and doubts, my heart soars! Oh, our boys are far from perfect; they're dirty rotten sinners like their dad and me. But through those places where I feel I've dropped the ball in their academics; through the "should-have-done-it-that-way-instead" moments, God has reminded me that we are providing our boys with a firm foundation. One of our great desires when we began homeschooling 8 years ago was that our boys would be well-grounded in their faith. And though there are times I doubt and question my own abilities, I can't question God's ability through me. He is doing far more in our boys than I could every dream up. And as I'm faithful to be obedient to what He's called me to do, I can trust Him with the results.
On the afternoon following my little admonishment to our boys last week, I went to church to work on a few projects. When I returned home, I was greeted by the handiwork of our youngest son. He'd painstakingly made a huge banner that stretched across our livingroom. He'd taped together numerous sheets of paper and, in his sweet 9-year-old writing, written the simple words: "School Is Coming!!!" [emphasis his]
And as I pulled him to me and snuggled him in my arms, my heart smiled. Yep, school is coming. And the God who calls me is faithful; He will surely do it. (1 Thessalonians 5:24
7 comments:
You are a wonderful example and encouragment to me sweet friend. I'm thankful for your heart and your reminders. :group:
It is hard when they get older and things look different. You wonder about time and what you are doing with it. Thank you for the reminder to keep my eyes on God.
Love,
Leslie
You are beautiful, Nikki! I love reading your words and knowing how God is working. You are always an encouragement to me on this adventure with Jesus.
I, too, feel weighed down by this daunting task of educating and discipling these amazing children. You are not alone. I will continue to lift you up as you pour your heart into your men. Many blessings! :)
Love you,
Scarlett
I appreciate reading your words of honesty and encouragement! As a begining homeschooling mom, it helps to hear from those ahead of us!
Thanks for your post! As usual your words got to me and your 9-year old's thoughtful sign brought tears. It was a good reminder that I also need to be excited and pass that on. George has the same train of thought as your boys but my six-year olds are asking every day when we will start. That one thing I love about this age.
That is a great picture of you with the boys! It looks like one that would be in a magazine, maybe BHG.
Enjoy this school year and all that it holds. -- Love, Amy
Thanks for sharing!! Loved this post. Very sweet 9 year old that I'm sure touched your heart and brought tears to my eyes. They sure do grow up fast, don't they? We're doing 4th and K this year. I'm enjoying your blog and have added you to my google reader.
Denise in FL (fellow FIAR and FB mom)
Good Stuff! I just blogged about a similar topic. God is so good and His Word is truly alive and active as we share and read it. And also what great boys you have.
:>Michelle
www.homeschoolblogger.com/seekingJesusnTeachingKids/
Nikki, I felt a lot like you when my oldest was in middle school. I'd heard such negative things about high school and how hard it is and it made me nervous. But when it arrived I saw that while it's different, God is still faithful just like you said in your post. And the kids grow and change too and in some ways that helps- in SOME ways! I've actually found high school to be much easier on me because my son basically does his own work- his choice.
That said, one aspect is harder. They have many more social commitments and juggling cars and schedules is like walking a tight rope, but again, God is faithful.
You answered your own concerns in the post and I know everything will be fine for your boys and for you.
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